Monday, December 15, 2008

I am selfish when it comes to one thing at Christmas

I can honestly say it is better to give then receive at Christmas. I love giving that perfect gift at Christmas or that gift card that will go to good use. I like providing my parents with a gadget they would NEVER buy themselves or a night out they deserve. Although I have learned NEVER to go astray with my Mom...

However there is one thing I absolutely am selfish about at Christmas. I love my Christmas cards. I send out about 65- 70 cards per year. Many of them are not reciprocated (although I am tracking you) but I love finding cards that are unique and fun and trying to figure out the best way to highlight my son's year. Many of my cards I purchase on vacations or trips to add to the uniqueness. Unfortunately I remembered after I bought my cards in the UK, the square ones are double postage and you don't want to remind your friends yearly that they have to accept a card upon postage due. Not good form! I think that is one thing my generation lacks, correspondance through snail mail. I miss the days of unsolicitated mail like my Grandparents sent. I loved getting letters or cards from family and friends in college (unless you were like the guy I was dating from Harvard and corrected all my grammar and his letters would start "grammar be darned." What a loser, he is probably teaching some place like Brown now-poor guy- and is still declaring himself the grammar police!)

Yesterday we took a ride on the Polar Express with my train crazy son! He loves choo-choo trains. We sat next to this really great couple from Columbus and talked a bit on our journey to the North Pole. She said the funniest thing that just sticks in my head about selfish behavior. When we received our hot chocolate and cookies (just like the movie-without dancing though-very disappointed), she said "I don't share my cookies with anyone". This is after the Dad offered his cookie to the two boys we were provided with them.

There is a few things in my life I don't share with anyone other then emotions. I guess one of them is Christmas cards. I proudly display each of them on my door and a few of the photos of kids remain on my fridge year-round.

My family may disagree, but there isn't too much I am selfish about in my life. I figured if I am not let inside the Pearly Gates because of my Christmas Cards right away, it will be well-worth the wait!

Next post will be why I intend to be a better person in 2009 and some of my New Year's Resolutions.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Christmas Nostalgia

Yesterday I took my son to see the lights at the zoo and it really set me in the mood for Christmas. See, I have always really loved Christmas!! My goal is to really find great gifts for everyone and add a smile to their face. I want to surprise at least one person with a really great gift!
My fondest childhood memories are of Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. Christmas Eve we would come home from church, have meatballs (no spaghetti for me, I don't touch the pasta stuff), light the luminaries in the drive way, beg my dad to go out for a drive looking at Christmas lights, tear the last chain my my construction paper Christmas count-down link, and tuck into bed as my Mom read The Night before Christmas. My sister and I would wake-up ridiculously early and open all our presents and spend extended family time wearing new clothes and spending time with our cousins (who we didn't see often.. to catch-up on their lives). We would end the day with a trip to the movies! I was even excited to make the trip out the next day to buy those post-Christmas bargains.

My Mom did such a good job making sure our tree was filled and the room looked amazing. I don't think my Mom has yet to tell us Santa doesn't exist and I don't think I have ever asked!

Working in retail over the past 10-years you would think Christmas would be my LEAST favorite time of year. We are always under-the-gun to get customers their product and tensions are HIGH. For some reason I continue to fight through that anger and enjoy the season.

I am lucky to now have my son. I get to live Christmas through his eyes. I am going to appreciate the fact that he is obsessed with Santa (ho ho) and not what ho ho brings him. The only thing he asked Santa for thus far is cookies and a baby brother. Cookies we can do and (unless we are left some small fortune to afford adoption or insurance uncovered fertility treatments) baby no! When he sees lights or trees he becomes ecstatic! I wish I could go back to that age where the sign of lights or a Christmas tree would make my face light-up with excitement. As parents we are thought to teach or children so many things. In this instance my son is teaching me to really appreciate the little things in life. I will treasure the fact he isn't going crazy for the hard-to-get toy this year. I am thankful he appreciates the little things such as lights or watching Polar Express and can recite every line (even if Mommy can't stand another minute of that movie). I guess I can plan on many more evenings watching the Polar Express (with plenty of spiked eggnog-minus the eggnog!) and try to appreciate the little things in life!

Oh yes...GO Bucks!!!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I really did marry my father

I have tried to fight the theory "girls marry their father" over the past 7-years. I am ready to give-in. I thinks things really clicked for me this weekend. Sure my Dad, like my husband would literally give the shirt off their back to anyone. but this weekend I received another "Come to Jesus lecture" regarding spending precisely as my Dad had done when I grew up. Although this time, my husband literally had a budget printed out to show my spending habits. I tried to defend it with "not going out to eat as much" but unfortunately SURVEY SAYS X! I felt like hanging my head in shame and immediately dove into a piece of fantastic ho ho cake my Mom had made. Luckily the filling and homemade icing took the pain away from the embarrassment and shame. I told my husband the bulls eye boutique has a sign when you enter that stated "Can not spend under $50 in this store regardless if you need a simple card". There is always something in the dollar bins that catch your eye. My son has so much of that stuff he has received as potty training rewards the toy box is over-flowing. Back to the conversation, my husband informs me we have some PRETTY BIG expenses coming next year with a possible new car needed and my sister's wedding. I also found out you can't claim Gymboree clothing expenses for son as absolute necessities as the boy has enough outfits to dress John & Kate's plus eight! So enough with the excuses, enough with the frivolous spending..cutting back. Santa is on a tight budget this year kids..don't send the elves hate emails or threatening letters (as I recall in my past pranks this is a federal offense). To all you budget crunchers out there, I feel your pain...try ho ho cake!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Watch for flying scales

I am about to go 12-rounds with my scale. I had taken on a few lbs since my aerobics class ended. Call it depression, sheer hunger, or tape worms as I like to say I came-up with any excuse that would allow french fries in my diet. The last two weeks I have been pretty good about my cardio routine looking and smelling like a pig when I leave the gym. I haven't stepped on the scale for about 1-week now. I figured I would have lost 2 or so lbs. Unfortunately, I did not lose any weight what-so-ever! Honestly I was about to go monkey nuts in the bathroom this morning. I literally made some adjustments to the scale (as I have added 3lbs to match the evil doctor office scales) dial pushing the +4-lbs back to +3lbs. Even without my PJ's I weigh the same. I had to take every will power of restraint to not throw my scale out the window. My husband, think he is helping said "maybe you are putting on muscle". I know he was trying to help but I almost went ninja on him as well.

I start my ultra water program this next week. I haven't swam since high school and I don't think 1-power hour is going to get me into Michael Phelps type shape. In fact I foresee many visits to he doctor for ear infections in the next few months. Regardless I need a break from Buffy the backside slayer. Never fails, every first week of aerobics my husband has to travel or in this case has a customer in town. Since he gets to miss tomorrow's lovely potty training festivities to go to the game, I have reminded him kindly that he is in charge of pick-up with our son on Tuesday as I have had this class booked now for 3-months. Maybe not so kindly, but there was no blood shed. I agreed to do the other two-days but I need to be there on Tuesday. Lord help him if he screws this one up!

In celebration of the scale results and the fact I this is the first Friday I have to work in September, I celebrated with a medium hot Cocoa (avec whipped cream) from Caribou. Take that scale! I have very little to do today other then a few measly projects. I will enjoy my Yo! on E radio show for all my celeb gossip and pray the day goes quickly. I will also take on much restraint to prevent online shopping or sleeping in my chair.

So in other news. I have to giggle, USC lost yesterday. I hope that nice fan on sports center kept that over rated sign he held-up at the OSU game..chuckle chuckle. Hopefully their fans can feel the next-day hangover pain or the walk-of-shame with that loss. Grand satisfaction kids!

Happy weekend to all! Except my scale, that piece of equipment can bite my big butt. Boy I wish I could afford liposuction and a trip to Aruba to celebrate!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Did you hear that? Dinosaurs has to go potty again?

I never thought I would see the day where I would take a stuffed animal, de-pants them and sit them on a training potty. The time is coming where I have dreaded before I had a child of my own. Potty training. Honestly, I do not know how to start or what to do. I am WINGING IT BIG TIME!! This week we are introducing the potty a bit harder then normal by undressing his favorite stuffed animal "Dinosaurs" and sitting him on the potty. If Dinosaurs goes potty he gets a sticker. This has resulted in a few potty attempts but nothing successful at this point. I honestly believe he may be the oldest kid in diapers. My son is a bit "head-strong" and really has his own agenda in life. Definitely not easy working with someone like that and when you put three of those personalities in the house it is chaos (and that doesn't include my alpha dog). So this weekend when you are out, having a few drinks, eating a nice dinner think of me. If I am not over checking in on my father who is mending after deciding falling from a neighbor's roof is much easier of an exit then using a ladder (I can joke now because he is on the mend pending an MRI tomorrow), I will be using a lot of carpet cleaner on messes or spending much more time in the bathroom then one should allow.

I am no longer funny..or I have misplaced my laughing juice.

So I am pondering what to blog about today and honestly, I have started about 3-different blogs to all be deleted with a sigh. I have a really great circle of friends that I draw-on from every aspect of my life. If I need someone to cheer me-up I email or call Mendie. If I need a visit from a friend who can just talk and is learning parenting skills along with me, I call Jackie. I need a dose of trends and talk something other then children I email Dawn. If I need a Mom motivation I read my fried Kristen's blog. The list goes on-and on.
But thinking about my dismal state right now I can't remember the last time I had a really good laugh... A laugh where you wipe tears out of your eyes and leaves you giggling for time to come. I can't remember a time lately I had one of those laughs. I have to tell you I have a few BFW (best-friends-at-work as we call ourselves) that I can count-on to make me laugh. One is brutally honest and she also has these off-the-wall comments. You combine her and another great friend at work who seems shy and turns out she is about the least-shy person of all...and it provides a balance to my mundane work life. I need a refill of my laughing potion and one of my two gals is out of town and the other is in a meeting. Alas, makes you thankful for the time you actually have together.

Monday, September 15, 2008

A true huricane hits Ohio?

I live a few miles from the ocean. In fact for me to drive to the ocean it is about a 14-hour drive (not including potty breaks and essential food stops). However, what I lived through yesterday was a bit of an illusion. 70 mph wind gusts, watching trees crack in 1/2 and hit the ground. Seeing our street lights crashing to the pavement. I felt like a storm chaser. I would tell my husband "turn down this street to see what happened to their property". See my life is a bit like a hurricane. I honestly can't sit still to save my life and it drives my husband crazy. We returned from our nice vacation on Friday night. Had a wonderful time but the minute I stepped into the house I kept thinking "what is next..". I didn't want to live with the let-down vacation is over so I try to keep my mind preoccupied. I literally woke-up at 6am planned my meals for the week, booked tickets to see Thomas the Train on Sunday, and started my errands. I can't tell you the last time I watched a full movie or something that wasn't on DVR. The term stop and smell the roses is lost on me. Yesterday when we lost power I went brain dead. I wasn't sure what I could do. The new recipe for lasagna I had made for a nice family dinner was out..the research I needed to do on the computer-forget it. I sat on the couch and thought there had to be something the prehistoric cavemen did without electricity. I then proceeded to pluck my eyebrows and then was able to do a few sewing repairs. After being tired of my Martha Stewart moments, I called my parents to bring dinner to share with them. Right before I left they lost their power. I carted around this useless 9x13 pan of lasagna and pouted all the way to my parents house. Luckily my son was spending some much needed bonding time with his grandparents. I truly believe Kaden was tired of us after 1-week full week of bonding. I swore he was taking his crayons and trying to write a parents-for-sale add to take out on us Saturday after my whirlwind of a day and Bryon's depression after another Buckeye heart breaker. All works out in the end I guess. The lasagna may satisfy our appetites another day, Kaden didn't pack his bags and leave, Parents took us out for a really great meal, Bryon gets a "free day" off from work and I, well I am working...hmm maybe in my next life I will have better luck and a more laid-back personality.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Cheerio from Jolly ole' WET England

Do we have luck when we travel or do we have luck? Before vacation 2-hours to be exact. Bryon was in the doctor's office for a bacteria infection from bad Mexican food..I am totally serious here. We eat at Max & Erma's in the airport and I get very sick in our layover destination. We arrive at destination and Kaden catches a bad cold on the plane. Now, he seems to be improving and I have it 10-full. Today I am laid-up resting. I don't mind as our intent in coming over to visit our "family" was to allow them time with the wild child. I am honestly enjoying the peace and quiet. We have been rather busy and the rain hasn't stopped us one bit. Definitely much chillier then they even anticipated. We went to their seaside boardwalk yesterday. We also have visited the see and a lovely park where Kaden rode an electric train and we even tagged along. We have spent less time at manors and castles and more time in playgrounds. Hopefully our trip back doesn't land us in hospital. Having a lovely time, enjoying the company and definitely enjoying the wine!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

UH OH, I jinxed myself

You know that feeling you have in the pit of your stomach when a police car pulls behind you when you know you just aren't driving the speed limit? That is exactly how I feel today. Having a great week, enjoying some freedom. I also have been hitting the gym HARD this week and last night I decide to skip dinner and just eat popcorn at the movies..bleh! Bad idea. I don't necessarily think it is the popcorn but I feel yucky today. I my allergies aren't helping nor the summer heat revenge that I so desperately asked for. I would go home but of course I have a bum chewing, I mean a meeting scheduled at 3:00 today so I can't even duck out. To make matters worse my chic side has a double date tonight at some local Italian place where Mafia hang out. I so hope they would want to adopt me into their Soprano clan even if I don't eat pasta or carry any weapons! Anyway, I am sure I will be fine. I still think it is lack of sleep that is causing all these issues. Darn Olympics! Sure the bolt can run fast, but is it absolutely necessary to celebrate like a chimpanzee? I am quite certain he is the road runner just disguised as a human. I have never seen anyone run so fast in my life. I mean if someone were chasing me with a gun or if there were bargains on Burberry purses I would probably do it.
Anyway, the boy returns tomorrow night. Although I have enjoyed reliving my married without children days, I am ready to see him. I also have a fun evening Saturday planned with a few close girlfriends that will involve good conversation, laughing, drinking, and did I mention a lot of drinking. I have noticed it isn't about the food this time, but the drinks. I think with the amount of alcohol these girls are talking about having I could open a bar. I think we have all had a really rough week and a few drinks will do us good! I am sure my next post will be about being too old to drink so much and hangovers. No matter how many times I remind myself that before I drink my deviant side gets in the way? Where is that deviant devil when I am laying on the bathroom floor or hoping there are a few more aspirin left in the bottle...Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Smell of notebooks and fresh pencils fill the air

I am sure parents all over the country are rejoicing "Back to school time". To me I feel it is about time those teacher friends' of mine earn their pay checks (only kidding-you have one of the toughest jobs of all-you remind me of that all the time from the pool chair in the summer). Every time I see my cousin, I remind him of his problem child Regina and all the problems she caused him. I am certain he will remember her the rest of his life. Don't feel bad for him, he has since relocated and has a lovely wife, 1 (plus another on-the-way), and of course a great extended family and relocated from NY to Hilliard schools and I am certain gang related violence is less of an issue there. However, if it weren't for Regina and old stories growing-up, we wouldn't know what we would laugh about every time we meet.
Today I get to hear all the stories about friends' kids getting on the bus, or headed to Kindergarten on their first day. I am simply in denial I guess. I know I will be a WRECK when my son starts school. I am certain if he had a choice now he would jump on the bus and drive away. Sometimes I think he would also do that permanently if someone offered him a dum-dum sucker but we will work on that..
For now, I find back-to-school to be a pain. I dread nothing more then seeing the yellow twinkie two cars in front of me stopping at every driveway during my long commute to work. One day a kid dropped his notebook and papers and I found myself thinking, just leave them, if your aren't coordinated enough to walk and hold your notebook or store your papers properly then obviously you probably didn't work real hard on that homework. I felt pretty bad after thinking that, but I was already 20-minutes late and I had a vendor call that day! I am pretty sure karma got the best of me for thinking that anyway. So welcome back kids. I want to ask you that you don't dilly-dally getting on the bus because it holds us commuters up for work. Heaven forbid I actually get out of bed on-time!

Monday, August 18, 2008

I am sans child and hubby and what am I doing to celebrate?

So my son is down with his grandparents in Greenville enjoying all the fried food and sugar he can handle. For now he is due to return on Friday evening. I placed bets with my husband they could call on Wednesday and want us to get him Thursday night (just a hunch). My husband decided to meet some old co-workers at a baseball game! BONUS! NO DINNER COOKING!! I can have my cereal and toast tonight!! So to celebrate, what have I done since I have been home from a LOVELY (sarcasm big time) day at work:
With a nice glass of wine dancing in my pink pj's? Am I playing with my guitar hero game my sister-in-laws got me for my birthday....NOPE!
1) Went to the gym and sweat out 1/4 of the calories I ate at the fair this weekend. Did look and smell very attractive when I crawled to my car.
2) Watered my flowers as I have become the angel of death in the floral department
3) Cleaned my car...note to self need to add shop vac to Christmas list-makes odd sounds and smell like it is on fire
4) Cleaned son's closet-don't think he can fit into 6-month clothing any longer, not sure why it continues to hang there? Found more clothes he may never wear due to sizing variance..need to rethink any shopping I need to do to enhance his wardrobe and maybe refocus on mine ;)
5) Gathered clothes for upcoming trip for son-no worries, he is covered on clothing for the next two-weeks (even if he wears 5-outfits a-day)
6) Finally can't stand my stench and shower
7) Watch Olympics yet again...
8) I am worse then Martha Stewart, in fact she would thunk me in the head and tell me to get out and enjoy. I am not even The Brady Mom (name slips my mind), I am Alice from the Brady's. I clean...pretty soon I will get a visit from Sam the butcher. Hey, at least it gives me something to look forward to later tonight!
I am pathetic...tomorrow, I am going out if it kills me.

Quick Survey: Is anyone else having a hard time getting up in the morning when it is dark out?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Oh summer where have you gone?

'Tis a brisk August morning with my coat on shivering my way into work. Back-up..August..I say? Yes, it is Freezing in August. Unlike many people, I like summer. I like the activities that go with summer, picnics, bike rides, amusement parks, pool visits, vacations, love it all! I like fall now that I don't have to go back to school myself but during my days as a student fall=dooms day. On top of being cold, can you believe it is already mid-August? Where did this summer go? Everyone warned me when I have a child time flies by but they are right not only has this summer flown by, over 2 1/2 years of my son's life have flown by. There are days I wish I could just take the hour glass that is my life and just turn it sideways. There are other days I just wish I could hit fast-forward and get through the day, crawl into bed and pretend it never happened. Ever-so-often I may even have a day that I will treasure living over-and-over again in my mind. Maybe it is me, but usually those days revolve around vacations or holidays. In fact all of them neither involve work or working out.
Back to my point- come back summer, I miss you. Pretty soon I will be fighting the snow and getting estimates to get my car repaired from sliding on ice. Summer I adore you! Snow and Ice-I would like to fast-forward those times.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

U-S-A U-S-A! Viva Olympic Coverage

If I seem tired and distracted I apologize. I have Olympic fever! I had some really great stuff to blog about lately (despite a desperate plea from some "stranger" on my voice mail begging me not to blog about the 3 different messages she left on my phone as it continued to time out on her-that is all I will write about that promise!!). I get oddly patriotic and so disappointed for our country men such as the synchronized dive team as they fall to 5th after knocking on a door to bronze.. I get angry when I see teams such as China nailing every single twist and turn in gymnastics. I also am disappointed to see other teams such as Australia or the "Red Coats" get beat in a close match as well. The one sport I have enjoyed thus far is swimming. I love to hear the trash talking by other nations and then being swept under the rug. I love hearing how much Michael Phelps eats for breakfast every day. I am obsessed! My dream is to attend an Olympic event, I have HUGE aspirations to attend a few events some point in my life. If I (heaven forbid) were diagnosed with a fatal illness, I would want to travel to an Olympic event. I know the UK is hosting the Olympics next correct? I asked my husband if we could maybe go to those games and also visit our gracious hosts (we intend to see in a few weeks). Unfortunately with our "wild child" in tow on this trip, my husbands doubt we will ever been invited back (any thoughts on good apology gifts to bring is appreciated). So I will continue to dream....Unless shopping ever became an Olympic event, I will never have the ability to compete. I watch those nations march in the opening ceremonies thinking just how lucky they are. I picture myself on the medal stand crying when they play the national anthem (and hugging the other nations as if I didn't just beat them 15-minutes prior). In my post medal ceremony I would say to the reporters "I am so proud to be an American, I had my eye on this purse now for 3-months waiting for it to go on sale, when it did, I fended off vixen after vixen for it and it is mine. I have trained practically all my life and owe this to my bargain shopping Mom. I would like to thank my sponsor Master Card who is also very glad to share this honor and earn interest on my payments over the rest of my life"...

So go USA! As a Phelps "Phan" I hope Michael continues to sweep all those medals and the girls softball team proves they deserve an Olympic sport. I will continue to ask why I don't see American judges in sports and why CHZ always gives China perfect "10's" on every event. I will continue to cheer for the UK and Australia (unless they get close in the medal count or go against the US athletes). I will continue my sleepless nights watching ping-pong and badminton in hopes for a glimpse of beach volleyball or a medal ceremony (I have yet to see).

Luckily once these games are over, I will have OSU football to look forward to watching. Otherwise I would definitely put me on suicide watch, mind you, poke me a few times before you throw me into the ground, I could just be exhausted from 24-hour Olympic coverage.

Just as a side note my future swimming Olympian (ha ha) did 1/2-way decent in class yesterday. I think we only had to tell him 4-times to listen to the teacher and go back to the wall with the other kids. We still lap the water but he did do ice cream scoop arms (swim stroke)! Much to the dismay of my husband, (being football Saturdays and crushing his 100% tailgating hopes *for every game* hello, you have an off-spring now, not going to happen!!!) , he is repeating the class in the fall on Saturday mornings. He also is going to start taking a dance class 8/27! The boy just gives me so much material to write about already be prepared for a GREAT fall BLOG unless I get distracted by OSU football coverage!

Off to check the medal count!

Do onto others as you would want done onto you..

I have just about had it with customer service lately. I work in retail, I know at my company we literally (no seriously I have seen this done in meetings) bend over backwards to appease our customers. However it frustrates me to no-end that not every company takes this approach. For instance in June we purchased an Archos video unit that stores DVD's into a base unit and you can watch or jump onto the Internet about any place. Concept is easy, think, DVD player without the DVD's. Well, we received the unit in June and the battery power only lasted about 5-hours on the first use. Upon calling CS (crud service as I call it) they ask us to return the unit. 1-month later we receive a poorly packaged unit that was also damaged by UPS. The unit was received back on 7/24 and since such date we have been arguing with a confrontational customer service agent manager Yolanda (who I affectionately term Satan's wife) about sending us a call-tag for the unit so we can get a new replacement unit. We have spoke to UPS about the claim and I turned it over to my passive husband. I filed a complaint last week with the BBB after we were made promises the unit would ship, or the call tag will come via email, or basically telling us we were WRONG. Yesterday I saw a side of my passive husband I hope to never see again. Once again the call tag was not issued again yesterday. As I spoke with my manager on the phone last evening about that day's events, I see my husbands "hair on-fire" staring at me to get off the phone. When I did I found that he took the information from the BBB page and called the SVP directly (on his MOBILE) and asked this be taken care of PROMPTLY. Of course the SVP asked him to call some other guy (who I know will forever regret being thrown under the bus by Mr. SVP) . My husband (whom I wish he would use such determination to clean or do some laundry) called Mr. Scape Goat today and stated he would call every 1/2 hour to try to reach him. Soon after his 2-3rd call a CS agent called and told him a re manufactured unit (don't get me started brand new=re manufactured??) would be shipped to us today (I will believe it when I see it..don't get excited-3rd time I heard that), and he would check on it before he left for vacation (hm mm imagine that-leaves for vacation today). We leave for our much anticipated vacation in 3-weeks, if we don't have the unit by then I have a feeling Mr. Scapegoat and Mrs. Satan will live to regret crossing my passive husband. Keep your fingers crossed (or pray this does not end in me asking for bail money for Mr. passive).
Bottom line- we are pretty reasonable honest people here. We know we are the underdog in the situation but I feel cooperation is key. If you work in the CS field, the customer is always right (not until proven otherwise like the court-of-law). Also, be sure to check out the BBB before making large purchases, if we would have done our research we would have found out the company had an "F" rating. From what I remember from elementary school (which is not much besides when the bell rings you go to the next class, and chewing gum isn't allowed) "F" means fail and you have to repeat the class. Apparently it also means "F" ailure to respond to customer service issues and customer should be warned!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Do I have too high of expectations?

I fear I have such high expectations for things and then am crushed when it doesn't "play out" as my mind pictures it to be. This ranges from vacation plans - cooking dinner. I am not sure how to change my outlook to not be so let-down when things don't work-out all the time. As I have established I am a planner, so much of my life is planned out that I am lost when I don't have plans for the weekend on Monday or Tuesday. In addition to cutting expenses I need to to not over-analyze everything in my life.
Now that I am over my who Zen strategy and new "me". Let's discuss some of these scenarios
Same holds true with men. I have such ridiculous high expectations for the men in my life that no romance novel hero can live up to. I guess it is a wonder I found somebody to actually marry me. If I had to right some rules for men they would go as follows.
*Don't curse around kids
*Shut the toilet seat lid
*Wash your hands
*If I am back in a room relaxing and the house has two bathrooms-use the one not in the room I am relaxing in
*If I am having a bad day don't start in on me, let me be
*If I am having a bad day try a hug or a card
*Yes, I still like cards and flowers
*I lose everything, and chances are I am going to need help finding it
*Tell me how pretty I look even when we know I just don't
*Take us on surprise trips, even if it is just to get ice cream or a park, maybe pack a picnic as a surprise
*Try to get the car door for ladies
*Ice cream cake makes a wonderful breakfast treat, cold pizza does not
*The smell and sounds of vomit make me gag and vomit, don't expect me to come running to help out, however a little empathy when I am sick is mandatory
*If I give you a few options to eat, choose one of them..I have never been to "I don't care"
*Love and appreciate by good sense of stylish handbags
*After I drop some mad-money on my hair-tell me it looks nice
*Dead grass and dead flowers never look nice, it is OK for you to water sometimes too
*Woman require more then 5-pair of flip flops
*Shorts and tennis shoes are never very fashionable-try flip flops yourself
*I make financial sacrifices too-example-haven't had a professional pedicure in 2-months!
*I would rather you listen to Metallica then the talk radio and political stuff, it ages you and warps your mind
*Yearly vacations are mandatory or this loving wife will reside in a mental institution-hard to sweep the house from there!
*Using phrases such as "you are right, we will get through this together, and I AM SORRY" will score you brownie points. Flipping situations always to be my fault will only enrage my inner beast.
*History Channel, Fox News, and Discovery Channel do not constitute you as an expert nor make you "cool" by watching
*If underwear has holes or older-GET RID OF THEM
*Navy does not go with light color jeans

As you can see, I have some high expectations when it comes to men. My husband doesn't follow many of them, but he is wonderful just the same.

OMG- it is only 10:00 shoot me now!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Oh that is so not my son...

Yesterday my son started his first swim lessons where we were not interacting with him in the water. The poor young life guards didn't know what hit them. First they started off in a pool with the fountain and had to rodeo the kids who were distracted by the fountain. Finally they moved to the other pool to start the lessons. I believe the ratio was 4 kids to every lifeguard in the pool. The lifeguards would individually work with each child as to back floats and front floats and expect the children to wait against the wall until it was their turn (big mistake). Each kid took their turn getting out of the pool and trying to wonder back to the fountain pool. Parent after parent would wonder up the the pool, place their kid back on the wall and give them a stern lecture. My kid however, had 4 lectures in the course of 10-minutes by his Dad (I was too busy laughing by the bush). The kids had a good time retrieving dive sticks under the water. My son who does have a way of outwitting the competition would wait for them to throw the dive sticks and retrieve them before they sunk to the bottom (from bathroom inspector Survivor contestant). The best part of the 1/2-hour class is when they were working on blowing bubbles. All the kid seem to have it down pat, well maybe not the girl who clung to the ladder the entire time or the girl who sat on the ledge and cried (who happens to be my neighbor's daughter). My son would lick the water like a dog. He can not blow bubbles (lack of coordination from Mom's side). I know what you are thinking, isn't a 2 1/2 year-old a little too young for swim lessons. I don't expect him to be the next Michael Phelps (raise your hand if you are excited for the Olympics like I am), but I think everyone should be able to swim well enough to save their own lives. Eventually I hope he can tread water and swim a lap or two but for now, I will take bubble blowing over lapping the pool water (baby steps). I will let you know how swim lessons progress. Even better, we plan on enrolling him in dance classes in the fall? My husband's mother is a dance teacher, so from the dance genes he was born with, we expect GREAT things ;)

Friday, August 1, 2008

Loves The Cow

My son loves cows. How much does my son love cows? Well he tends to call me a cow (I try not to take personally). This past weekend my polite son decided to moo at the lady behind us, point at her and call her a cow. How do you react to that for future reference? I apologized and told her he love cows and calls everyone a cow and moo's. I think she was less then impressed.

Things you Ponder when you should be sleeping.

Have you ever spent time wondering about a lot of silly stuff? Before bed my mind tends to race and analyze everything under the sun before I finally fall asleep. Here are some of the things I think about I finally wrote down (and you think you are a worry wart?):

* Did I charge my phone?
*Do I have gas-and if so=where is the cheapest place to go?
* Do I know where my car keys are (chances are very low so I go through where my keys can be without getting up)?
*What am I going to make for dinner tomorrow?
*Do I really want to get out of bed to go the bathroom again?
*Did my son brush his teeth-Did I?
*Where is the nail polish and body cream?

This is when the Tylenol PM kicks in and I get loopy:

*When they changed the laundry soap to a more concentrated bottle is the concentration really changed or have we been duped?
*Why are fountain diet cokes so much better at McDonalds then any other fast food joint? I finally had an answer, McDonalds actually does have a formula and someone who analyzes it on a daily basis-but that is so cool!
*Do other people really exist in my life or is it simply unless I interact with them are they really there-totally Twilight Zone right?
*Does it take more energy to recycle a water bottle then it does to run my re-usable bottles in the dishwasher?
*Whom did I upset today and need to apologize to tomorrow?
*Did I turn my heater off at work, and if not, will they be able to trace the fire back to my heater when I burn down the building?
*You can use the exact same hair products and irons your hair dresser uses and yet your hair still never looks as it does in the salon. Same goes for pedicures, facials, make-overs , and waxing too-just kidding?

*Surely I can't always be wrong-but according to my husband I am :)

*Whatever happened to sending letters and cards in the mail, all I receive now are bills and credit card applications?! I am starting a trend-more love notes to each of you!

*When you want rain to water the flowers it never comes, but when you plan an outdoor activity it rains?

*what am I going to w...zzzzzzzz

And finally I am asleep until 2am and it starts all over again!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

No grown woman should ever do jumping jacks

I had a brutal aerobics class today. I decided not only am I too old to jump rope for 3 minutes, but I should not be forced to do low-jogs or jumping jacks any longer! I have noted a few things I learned in aerobics today I would like to remember before next Tuesday:
1. My favorite part of the class (besides leaving) is the water breaks
2. I spend more time watching the clock then I do looking at the instructor
3. If you wear any sort of sweat pants or shorts with words written on the bum, I will likely stare at your bum throughout the entire class
4. You always have your over-achievers in class the people who have to show-off-I am not one of those people-I am the one furthest from the mirrors, by the window (whispering "help me")
5. I sweat and smell like a man when before, during, and after class-no sophistication here!!
6. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm
7. I can't combo steps are anything that requires more thought then just punch, kick
8. I honestly enjoy to punch during kick boxing. Look out anyone who tries to rob me! Hopefully he has some music on him so I can punch him in-time for the music otherwise I am in serious trouble!
9. I am certain my instructor killed everyone who started the class off with a BMI over 25 by aerobicizing them to death because I don't see them any more...
10. I dislike perky people who look good, still can do high-impact aerobics and talk at the same time!

I miss my old Jazzercise teacher, she would push us but didn't hold me to high expectations! I corrupted her fitness time with shopping, food, and drinks! I think all she drank and ate went straight to MY hips! If you are out there in cyber world I love you kid!

Total Lack of Motivation-ADD Post-Keep up!

Have you ever had those days where you suffer from complete lack of motivation? I am so "mad at the world" today I don't feel like being focused or really doing much of anything today. Do you know what is worse, I am not suffering from PMS or any other female infliction! I just can't seem to "snap out of it". I think part of it is hunger pains at this point, but I am watching my calorie intake after I had a frozen coke this morning. I think the other part is dealing with irrational people making poor decisions. I guess I can't change that, but I am allowing myself to let it fester inside of me.

My posts have been rather dull lately, I haven't done anything stupid (Well besides wearing shoes that cause blisters only because they looked cute)... I think I am suffering from serious monotony in my life. I need a vacation! I need a break from the norm! I need a new outdoor table for my in point, I also suffer from serious ADD.

Right now all I can think about is going to lunch with co-workers. I have decided I have worms and they need to be fed every 2-hours. My worms are only satisfied with grease and sugar, so salads are definitely out of the question. My company has its bi-annual convention the past two weeks and it is has been a nice break from the chaos that is my work life. We decided to head to lunch to one of the slowest serving restaurants in the finer Newark area to kill time (I never get out for lunch-so this is my vacation). The boys are happy because most of the girls who work there are cute and they have sports on TV, and I will be happy because my worms will be content with chicken wings and nacho chips. Luckily the anti-Christ aerobic instructor will help burn off some of the unnecessary calories tonight when she once again attempts to kill me.

Back to my efforts on not focusing on food and trying to refocus on work tasks..first potty break and socializing!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008


Every year I typically task my husband with the impossible to find Christmas gifts. In years past it has ranged from a Furbee to an Xbox. This past year I asked my husband for a Wii and a digital picture frame. I had been talking the Wii up for quite a while figuring he would take the hint and get the Wii. Well, needless to say WE did not get the Wii. I did get a lovely digital picture frame I display at work I endearing term my "Wii frame". Well with some help from my sister-in-law my son gave me a Wii for my birthday. I was ecstatic! I wouldn't say I am a video game junkie but I can see how kids can quickly become addicted. We even have my two-year-old asking to play "bayball" on the Wii now (way to start a bad habit early-add that to my mother ballot check list).
On Saturday, our techie friends had us over to play Rock Band, Guitar Hero, and FIT. Luckily they didn't kick us out of the house after we destroyed their band with our horrible attempts at singing and playing the drums...Trust me these are the kind of friends everyone needs, they are so much fun, they have a boat, they enjoy the same restaurants, have the coolest electronics, and are two of the most friendly and fun people you will ever meet! If we want to have a few drinks and a good time, we call them (and then have to pay them handsomely to use the term "friends- I think we are way behind on those payments due to Wii investments)

Anyway, I decided prior to owning a Wii that I wanted the FIT but after seeing it "in action" I had to have it. Nintendo has not commissioned write this (but I will accept all donations including Rock Band, and Aerosmith games) but I love my Wii and my Mii. So yesterday my husband found a FIT package and snagged it (I am surprised he still did that for me as we had a "discussion" earlier that day that did not end well). Anyway, after aerobics I put my son to bed a bit earlier then usual (much needed Mii time-again Mom award-selfish-check!) and jumped on the Wii! I have to say it is much more difficult then I imagined it to be and believe it or not I am a little more sore then I was after aerobics class. So after the Wii assessed myself as a 47-year-old female (bite me Wii), I tried a few games. I decided I can't hula hoop, I can't ski jump, I can't step, and I can't yoga..well actually I am still trying to decide what I can do...but eventually I can do something! The point is I had fun! I think my husband had fun too. In all reality that is the most amount of bonding we have done since Halo came out and we played that until the wee hours of the morning. So I need to write a letter to Nintendo, thank them for saving my marriage.
So here is today's lessons:
1.Make sure you have a few friends who are very technologically equipped, good at both rock band and guitar hero, own a boat, and like to drink-key to sanity
2. Teach your 2 1/2 year-old to play video games, will provide much needed distraction time for you to do other things and not listen to Go Go (Diego) or Einsteins all the time (warning you may have to help him restart the game-we haven't got him to that level yet, but I assure you, this will happen before potty training).
3. Get a Wii, you will thank me and you too can create your Mii and you both start an eternal bond (yes I need to now create clone friends)
4. After you play Wii fit, enjoy some Cheetos (as I see it you cancel it out after the hard work out you did with your fitness instructor). Your mii will need some energy for tomorrow!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

They Say It's Your Birthday.

Today's my birthday and I am another year older. There is absolutely nothing funny about that what-so-ever. But I have a few stories to tell, pull up a chair, grab your bag of chip/salsa and help me celebrate another year closer to death:
  • Turn on the news today to see there is a hurricane quickly approaching Texas. Now that really is in no way funny but if had a bit of history you would understand. My husband and I met a few really great people on (almost) 9-years ago who were on their honeymoon (call us honeymoon crashers). We all became very FAST friends and try to communicate as much as possible (not as much as we should). We have had a few reunions since our vacation but the best memory I have is our trip to Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. I think my husband had the actual hours but we were not in our lovely house for more then 48. We had heard a storm was coming but thought it would die-off. We hit the grocery store and had a lovely dinner out that night and had bought plenty of liquor and food for the neighboring 4-cities. Our friends (the ones currently stranded in Texas-sans les husband) had bought all the groceries to compensate our alcohol purchases. The next morning we made breakfast and looked out the window and saw some neighboring houses boarding-up the windows(..hmm good sign we should get out of dodge?) We reluctantly figured we should call the rental property to see if we should leave. Long story short we had to leave. We tried to cook various meals as our last supper together. The boys were all excited because they were able to throw every piece of furniture including the grill into the pool. I think Sally Struthers would have cried to see all the food we had to throw away during our evacuation process. Doing the logical thing our friends packed-up their son and their rental and headed back to the airport, all of us in tears. The other two couples crammed into this hotel room down in South Carolina and tried to make the best of a vacation going from a 4-star home to a 2-star (at best) hotel (hey it did have a lazy river which was very nice..and you were never in your room..and I got to stop at the Piggly Wiggly-SOLD). Anytime you get the group of us together some disaster seems to happen (typically revolving in over-indulging in the "sauce"-aka alcohol). Funny thing is, typically it is the men? We then took that vacation juju and spent my honeymoon stuck in Hawaii due to the terrible 9-11 incident. I know what you are saying-cry me a river..Unfortunately it isn't very much fun when your hotel is charging full price and you don't have much money left to your name (considered calling Red Cross at one point-Capital One appreciates us not doing so). So the key is NOT to vacation when any of us vacation or tag along with us. The other little tip is travel insurance-buy it-love it! I have used it twice now! So to my friend down on vacation..hold on to the light pole when the wind blows you over! In addition for any future vacations: NONE OF US CAN CHOSE THE DATE, we consult a psychic or meteorologist. If you haven't heard enough about these couples, don't worry I am sure there are plenty more stories to tell in later blogs

  • I have some really great friends at work. I came in this morning and found my office decorated nice (change from the days where people took my keys off my keyboard and re-arranged the letters or dumped the hole punches all over my desk). They had donuts to celebrate and a few of my closer friends bought me some candy and gifts. You know these people know me well when much to my surprise they had catered in Chipotle chips and salsa for me at lunch. So the key to some one's heart is food. For me it is chips salsa!! Oh yes-diet starts again tomorrow!

  • I am totally not WITH it today! I think it is the sugar high mixed with those yummy chips. I continue to send out emails without attachments. I am absolutely aloof! One of my vendors asked me if I had a few too many today already (I wish). I can't seem to get my act together!

So enjoy your day, celebrate quietly with a nice drink, your chips your salsa. Relish in the fact, although I am a ditz in any form of communication, I did remember all undergarments today!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Add this to the How to Dress a Moron Check List

I can't tell you how many times I have left the house with two different color socks. I consistently wear my shirt inside out. Those size stickers on the outside of shirts, worn to numberous events and business meetings. Holes in pants, spots on clothes, deodorant whites on shirts-check, check, check! Have you ever worn a pair of pants come to find as you are walking down the hall at work that some how you had some stow away panties that have made it's way down your pant leg and on the floor for everyone to see (CHECK)? I have also left the house with two different color shoes (at least of the same style)

Today takes the cake on fashion faux pas and pure stupidity! I was running late (as usual) and when I made my way towards work on the horrific commute, I noticed that I didn't have the same support I typically have in my torso region. Now typically I wouldn't notice because I must have bypassed the well-endowed chest line for the large bum and tree trunk thighs line when God put together the blue prints for my body composure. As I looked down to find my water bottle, I noticed I wasn't wearing a bra under my white shirt (and today was not the wet t-shirt contest at work- my mistake). As I tried not to swerve off the road from shock, (I luckily caught this close to home) I was able to turn around and remedy the situation. If I had been much further I would just have to tell people I am protesting gas prices and burnt it on the way here.

Friday, July 18, 2008

I am no longer a "spring chick" but why can't I let it go of MTV reality shows?

Hints why I am old: Driving to work this morning I heard the Prince song 1999. Not only did I graduate college prior to this pivotal year, but I remember thinking when the song first came out how 1999 felt like a million years away. In a way Prince was right 2000 party was over, time for this party girl to live in the real world. Speaking of the REAL WORLD, I give my husband a really hard time about watching the History channel and Discovery channel. I however find it perfectly socially acceptable to continue watching the Hills, Real World, and worse yet Sweet Sixteen. I would say about 10-plus years ago I should have converted to watching VH1 but I can't find myself making that transition, unless Rock of Love is on.. For now, I will continue watching the Hills and Real World until the ratings company reports me to MTV and they call and ask me to discontinue watching these shows or they will contact NBC's in regards to their catch a predator segment.
Worse yet, I don't draw the line at MTV, I also continue to shop at American Eagle, and my personal favorite Lucky Brand (I would shop at that Hollister place but I can't make it through that cologne cloud that lingers at the door-what is that?). So I ask myself, when do I intend to grow-up? Maybe when MTV stops putting less-then reality shows such as the Hills that are so addictive!
Will I be the only lady in the nursing home who will have to take a nap at 6:00 so I can watch the Hills or MTV spring break at the ten spot in the common room? I do think I will look very cute in my PINK PJ bottoms, look out all nursing home hotties!! Party in the common room at 10:00, you bring the Geritol, I will provide the cosmos or scooby doo shots!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

You're right, I am the idiot..

I am so quick to alert someone they are an idiot when driving. Well the "unthinkable" happened today, I was the idiot driver! My mind went adrift (as it does during my long morning commute) and I changed lanes without even signaling (or looking) and I accidentally cut-off someone (not near accident status) in the left lane. He kindly let me know I was "number one in his heart". I had no idea how to react so as I signaled and returned to the right lane he passed me and gave me more choice words. I kindly mouthed "You're right and I am an idiot, also giving him an apology and a wave". Well I could tell the guy didn't know how to react and he sped by me and it was over..I definitely felt like an idiot and wanted to crawl under my dashboard and hide (apparently not legal unless you own a Knight Rider type car and my Cabrio does not qualify as cool enough to trick-out like that). So the term "typical woman driver" applies to me today! I guess that allows me a pass to put on my make-up tonight while driving home or talk on my cell phone since I am already marked as an idiot!!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Off the shopping.. moving on to health care costs

Have you ever had one of those days where you knew things were going to go down hill fast? Today is one of those days. I should have absolutely no reason to complain today, the sun is out, I am getting a lot accomplished working from home, and I am down to one more appointment before I sweat like a pig in aerobics class.
Why am I in this "funk"? I think it started with a girl at the eye doctor this morning. Tech Ratchet demanded my insurance card and when I told her I didn't have a vision card she said in a snotty voice "your medical insurance card". OK Miss attitude, I didn't realize you needed my medical card at a vision place! Anyway, had my eye exam and of course my eyes became worse (any worse and I will need to enroll at the school of the blind). So instead of giving me my white cane with red tip, (got that question right on my drivers license test- why can I remember that and not remember my prescription to get a blood draw..more on that later) I had to buy new glasses and contacts. Seriously what is the point of vision insurance? I really think I should suck-up the cost and just move to laser correction because this $600 per-year is killing me! Anyway, once I had my exam the lady who attempted to sell me some coach frames (mind you I would rather be caught dead then in my glasses ) informs me they only did a frame exam and I need to pay the non-covered insurance cost for the contact exam as well. So after seeing the doctor who told me he would swap eye care for a chance to play my company's golf course (why didn't I think of that originally, I would have GLADLY done that once I saw the bill) sat me back down for a 3 minute exam to the tune of another $60. Seriously the cost is all relative at this point ( I even offered to wash dishes in the back, but alas, they go out for lunch- but it did make her laugh). Yesterday I wanted to move off the shopping sauce, but not into a pit of health care costs! $600 later (after the lack of insurance covers a small portion) I am a proud owner of new glasses and new contacts (neither which I left with in-hand). I leave there and en route to get another lovely blood draw I notice I forgot my insurance slip. I bypass the blood draw and go to Kroger where they seem to have lost my prescription. At this point you would think I would have jumped over the counter and slayed some pharmacy techs. However, being mentally stable (questionable) I sustained. I walked around the store and picked-up a few odds and ends and will go back this afternoon. Luckily I get to go back out today and have my blood draw (one of my favorite things to do), pick-up a Chipotle GC for one of my many birthday (avoiding the urge to order chips and salsa or a bowl-no rice-no beans-just chicken..we don't go there enough do we?), go back to Kroger, and prepare for my Nazi aerobics class tonight. Doesn't it bother you when your aerobics teacher talks about dieting and she is a size zero (if that)? She irritates me enough where I want to put her head on a spit by the end of the cardio portion on the class but talking about dieting makes me dislike her that much more! Actually she is the nicest lady in the world (which urks me)!

Oh-as an update from yesterday's shopaholic admittance- I am going to have to delay my rehab visit until I pick-up my goods from the Cheryl's bake sale. I will have you know, I do not eat those myself, I buy the dough balls for last minute picnics/parties and give the packaged cookies as gifts (well except the cut-out cookies-b/c as the transporter of goods, I earned 1 or 2 of those). Not my fault!! The sale is only yearly!! Rehab delayed by signs of withdrawl as of yet, although maybe health care money pit has be a bit sick to my stomach on any sort of spending right now!

Off to my blood draw!

Here is another reason to drink!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Confessions of a shopaholic

It's official, I am no longer in denial, I am a shopaholic. I was given strict instruction I need to cut-back this month so we can attempt to create a savings account and I have done the polar opposite. I shopped! My son has so many clothes there are times he doesn't even wear them before he out grows them. I can never send him into daycare in the clothes I buy as he typically comes home looking as if he had an amazing food fight (and lost) or rolled in dirt the entire day (I wouldn't doubt).
When it comes to shopping I don't always come home with bags of loot, sometimes I will walk away from a bargain and it will fester on me until I go back and make the purchase. 9 out of 10 times it is GONE so then I live with the regret.
I will say I did inherit from my Mother the sense of bargain shopping. I don't pay full price for much of anything but I still spend money.
I am starting my recovery plan TODAY. This means, no running into Target for baby wipes and coming out with $50 worth of "who knows what" (can anyone leave Target for under $50). No more Tuesday mark-down's at Von Maur for this shopper. Goodbye online bargains and eBay. This woman is going straight to shopper rehab and locking the doors inside the house!! Unlike some celeb bimbos into drug rehab, my plan is to go rehab and totally recover!
My life is chalk full of birthdays this month as well, so it will be a true test to see if I can go buy gifts and not come out with anything for myself, my son, or my husband.
I am certain my MasterCard (that typically smokes from so much usage) will need a break from exhaustion. I am also sure the MasterCard people will send flowers as they will think I am gravely ill. However, I am up for the challenge!
God forbid I get son and I will be the best dressed homeless people on the block but we will still be homeless!! Meanwhile my husband will be inside the cardboard box yelling "I TOLD YOU SO"... He will then trade all his Lucky Brand shirts to buy a combination lock to keep me out of the only shelter we have!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

10-commandments for working in an office

I know that I have been hitting the whole religious correlation thing pretty hard this week but wait..I think you can relate even if you do work!
1. If thou are an idiot and make stupid decisions, then thou shalt be mocked and ridiculed
2. If thou does not feel the need to speak with a co-worker thou has the ability to walk faster use an alternate path to a destination including stairs rather then an elevator in order to advert conversation
3. Unless totally unable, thou shalt use the stairs to travel 1 floor-up rather then hold-up the elevator for people who need to travel more then 2-floors
4. If thou pees on the seat thou shalt clean it up!
5. Thou shalt not bang on their keyboard when typing
6. If thou has a cold or needs to clear their throat GET A COUGH DROP rather then adding noise pollution throughout the office or meetings
7. If thou is sick, stay home. People like me who should reside in a "bubble" catch everything and WILL get sick
8. Lunch hours should be mandatory and not limited to 1-hour followed by 1/2-hour nap or gossip time
9. Inevitably if thou are an idiot and make stupid decisions thou shalt be moving up corporate ladder quicker then the worker bees
10. If thou breaks or the jams the community Paleozoic fax machine, printer, or copy machine, attempt to fix it or leave note BROKEN
Can you tell what sort of day I am having! I am hungry now, off to my mandated lunch!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

There is NOTHING Cool about going to the BMV

Today I had the pleasure of getting my driver's license renewed. Like every other idiot in there I should have read the website for policies and procedures because I went there blind unsuspecting of such a long wait not knowing if I needed proof of insurance or simply my old card. I mean, I had my lipstick with me in attempt to take a some what decent mug shot, what more could you need? However, what the website can't prepare you for is the people who always tend to be at the BMV. Clearly some of the conversations I overheard while checking my myspace account (does NO CELL PHONES signs posted also include Internet usage??) was no only inappropriate, but would also make Jerry Springer guests seem like geniuses. For example, this rather LOUD character informing some innocent bystander her story about her son "beating some one's ass" for picking on some 12-year-old girl. Although it could be justified, the details were clearly too graphic for the bystander to take. I could tell by her eyes she was saying "save me" . I thought for a second about changing the conversation and found it more appealing to look at my hairdresser's photos from her wedding. The character on my other side looks like he hitched-up his horse outside and had the tightest wranglers I have ever seen in my life. He felt it necessary to moan the entire time about the 45 minute wait (maybe if he traded his horse in for a blackberry he too could be on myspace stalking his friends and acquaintances and not be so bored). I know most of the people there looked like some caught-red-handed criminals on To Catch a Predator, but were they thinking the same about me?
After you spend your hard-time in Carni-ville, you get this lovely piece of $24 plastic (mind you they don't take credit card-who doesn't take credit card??? McDonalds even takes credit card!!) with an absolutely horrible picture that I will dread showing anyone for the next 4-years. Pray my days of being carded are behind me! Maybe I will purposely lose it and go again through this torture after I get "glammed-up". Then again, who am I kidding, the one trait I got from my Dad was the ability to lose EVERYTHING, I guarantee I will be back in the nut house they call the BMV very soon not by choice!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Here is some vitamin "T" my love..have a nice day!

I had a pretty bad case of the flu this past weekend. After getting a rather late start to my slumber I was awaken by some terrible coughing coming from my bedroom (I tend to shift to the couch when my back bothers me). Oh no! I spread my germ love onward! My husband who never is sick caught this horrible virus that brought me to the brink of death. He finally shuffles out front for some ginger ale about 5:00 and asks me to take the boy to daycare. Let's see flu score: flu bug: 2
healthy immune system: 1


Today would have been the perfect day for monkey man (loving term for son) to be sick, I don't have a lot going on at work today and I could still make it to aerobics tonight. But karma never works like that for me. Tomorrow's are my absolute WORST day of the week (as far as being busy) and Thursdays aren't too far behind. So I wake him up this morning, feel his head..a little warm but not too bad. I give him a dose of vitamin "T" and send him on his merry way. I know what you are thinking, a good Mom would prevent the other kids from catching the virus at day care but he truly did not show any signs and chances are he will be home two days later in the week. Trust me, I have seen parents bring their kids in with spots on them watch them cough-up lungs we try not to do that to our day care. So, I know I am not up for parent of the day today, but can you prevent the inevitable? Besides, I have the cell phone next to me, waiting patiently and unwillingly for that call to come and get him.

Here is hoping all of you stay healthy in this warm weather!

Thou Shalt Not Use Tiffany's name in vain

As a Catholic, I feel I have the obligation to attend sanctuary and worship only one God.
As a shopper I completely follow the same beliefs. A few months back we were taking my son on a trip over to Easton to ride the trolley and play in the fountains. When we went over to watch the sailboats in another fountain and glimpsed across the pond to see the heavens unfold and the clouds part. Could it be? Am I reading the sign right? A Tiffany's in Columbus Ohio? I immediately looked at my husband who shook his head in disbelief. As he groaned at the site of the new complex I looked at him square in the eye and said "hey, at least you don't have to pay for a flight to Vegas, or pay shipping charges now".
What is it about that store that brings me to my knees and do unspeakable chores around the house? Is it the Elsa Pereti collection I so adore? Is it the signature collection or the clock collection? I truly think it has more to do with receiving that little blue box. Thinking about it brings a tear to my eye. Christmas came early my friends!!
The only reason I mention that is I have a birthday coming around the corner (unfortunately) and soon Christmas will be here and instead of that new camera we desperately need, my devotion to my "little blue box" will probably get the better judgement of me.
I will remind you as I do my husband, at least the collections I do like are the cheapest in the lot throughout the store, so I am not all bad... And remember, Thou shalt not use Tiffany's name in vain!

Monday, July 7, 2008

So finally here is a LIKE or rather a Love

I absolutely love watching my son play in the fountains at Easton! Is it wrong to mostly enjoy the part where the water shoots right in his face?

I want to be Carrie Bradshaw but I am more of Mary Poppins

I have two parts of my life. I have these glamours dreams and expensive tastes and the nanny life. Take some time to ask my husband why our bank account is non-existent and he will point you to a closet full of shoes or designer purses. I try to justify it with my full-time career, but now that I have a backyard that needs a swing set and my brilliant idea to have my husband slaving over a pond less waterfall in 90-degree heat, I need to give-up my champagne wishes and caviar dreams and accept the fact I am now Mary Poppins. We aren't talking the sweet Julie Andrews version but a definitely less sophisticated version. In order to get my son to clean after he makes a horendous mess (how is that possible in less then 1/2 hour) I need to sing this clean-up song he sings at daycare I do not know the words (nor care to learn). In additon to my nanny skills, I find myself singing Disney songs in the car and not realize they continue to play my ENTIRE trip to work. When I worked at the Disney store I could sing every song to the Lion King, now I must admit I can not only sing it, but recite all the words.
I have a few girlfriends (you know who you ya, mean it) where I will cherish my time at childless dinners, or times by the pool reading gossip magazines, drinking far too much wine, or simply going for a pedicure. I still read-up on my celeb gossip, hot fashions, and home interior trends. But at the end of the day the Burberry purses US weekly subscription have to be substituted with dance lessons swing sets, and killing my husband off slowly with these projects to do in the 90-degree heat.
Next post will likely be a singles ad and I will be longing to be Samantha Jones instead!

I am out of the blogging closet!

I am out of my blogging closet and I am proud. Thank you all for the wonderful feedback and updates. I look forward to sharing some more stories with you soon! Your support and feedback really mean a lot. Leave all grammar and criticisms at the following address

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

This world is far too automated

This weekend the family packed-up the jeep for a long weekend in Gatlinburg Tenn . My mother-in-law had a national dance competiton and we were able to tag-along. I have notice my son is finding far too much enjoyment in visiting every restroom in every establishment. I fear his future list life dreams went from a bus driver to a toilet inspector. At first I thought he was into his hygene when he always wanted to wash his hands. Well as you proceed to take him into the restroom he runs back to the toilet and screams "oooh yucky" (we can blame this on day care, not sure where he got that from..but easier to pawn it off on them). Well that is usually followed by me screaming at him to keeps his hands off the germ toilet and out of the water in the bowl. Immediately I am grossed out and can barely look at my son let alone hold him to wash his hands. I dodged back between faucets in an attempt to find an automatic faucet that works. I required more then one squirt of the automatic soap dispenser and it refused my request. I had to jump over to the non-working sink dispenser and back over to the working automatic sink (all while juggling a squirming 2-year-old, diaper bag, and purse-How is that for America's Got Talent). After we were done I waved at the paper towel machine in an attempt to dry his hands that were lingering in the dirty sink (I give up germ boy!!). After searching for a working paper towel holder I couldn't find another one in site. I continued to wave "hello" to the machine until I realized a few minutes later that the machine wasn't automatic, I had to pull the lever. I was so disgusted with the situation I wiped our hands on my pants, and abruptly left. I did however use my shirt bottom to open the germ infested door handle and made my way back to restaurant seat and table that I am sure is both sanitized and serves food that passes all areas of inspection...

Monday, June 23, 2008

What's Worse Bridesmaid Dresses or Swimsuits?

Another addition to Stacy's dislikes (one day I will post a "like"). I detest trying on bridesmaid dresses. I wouldn't say I was "larger" by any means, but I am definitely vertically challenged. 5'3 to me is SHORT and something I am just now embracing.

Saturday I had the privilege of trying on dresses for my sister's wedding next May with my mother (painful for us both I am sure). This is the first dress shop I have been to that didn't put the sizes in the dresses (good move) because that is the FIRST place I look (make that second after the price). Something isn't right with trying on a size 10 dress (my normal size 4-6-including my ghetto bootie and tree trunk like thighs) and it being tight on the hips. Then, having to pay $300 (before $100 alterations) for the darn thing in a size that makes you want eat only rice cakes for the next few months until the wedding. All sample sizes are far too long on me, and need to have those fun clippies on the chest area (typically no problem for the hips or bootie-lucky me) so I am definitely not changing a career to fashion modeling.
My sister has some spectacular taste in designers and dress styles I must say. However, for the future she might want to find a little better of a fit model for any further dress engagements.

I figure since I put myself in such a wonderful body embracing mood I might as well try on some of the cute swim fashions this year...after I finish my detoxing and rice cakes!

On the topic of weddings, you know what makes me laugh, after ever wedding I have ever been in I hear the same thing from someone that day or during the process: your dress is so pretty and you will be able to wear it again (where? we don't go any place that the dress code is over khaki's and a polo for a guy-husband request). I always want to tell those people the same thing "good thing I have this dress, the presidential event next month and I am certain once I pay more to have it altered and tightened I too can find a senator to throw me a few pity dollars to shake my bootie for".

Waiting so long for him to he won't stop talking

I remember less then ago I couldn't wait to have conversations with my son. I was so happy when he would put two words together. I don't know if you want to call it frustration with a busy day, tired, or just being in a bad mood but I have never been so tired of hearing "whats that", general jabbering, or worse yet, whining. I CAN'T STAND THE WHINING (unless I do it to my husband in attempt to get my way- you think I would know that was in most cases totally unsuccessful). Anyway, yesterday after running my 100th errand of the day, we were in the car and I was so tired of the jabbering. I first thought a sucker would solve my problems and throbbing headache (good plan, sugar up the kid). I believe it worked for two minutes and then it started yet again followed by the whining and taking his shoes off (didn't realize crocs were so painful to wear). As he is ushered off to bed I thought"God forgive me for thinking such negative thoughts about my son's questions or jabbering." Then my son threw a big idiot fit, and I knew it was God's way of telling me all is fine and then flashed me the peace sign "rapper style".

Thursday, June 12, 2008

What is worse then a blood draw?

After what started in a disastrous morning, and turned into a horrible day, I now had the luxury of going to get my blood drawn. I found the only thing worse then having my blood drawn is waiting in the "victim staging" area to have it done.

I can honestly say I have never done any drugs in my life because of my needle fear or being caught by my dad (waiting for the just-say-no crew to crown me with a tiara and ribbon) smoking a joint or now for my struggling company to actually reinstate drug testing.

Back on track..I get to this horrible place walk in, and now instead of checking in at the window, you need to do it via computer after swiping your credit card (does this make anyone else uncomfortable)? I sit amongst the rest of the "victims" breaking out in nervous hives, wondering when my name will be called. I sit there and do calculations in my head..if she is clenching the bottle from that yucky orange soda stuff she still has almost 1-hour until they pull her back for that gestational diabetes test. Eliminate pregnant lady #1 and that leaves 4 remaining "victims". How long can it take? 2-3 minutes per person? Half-hour later I recalculate my standings. 2 have gone back, haven't seen either come back, did they die? Maybe another 10-minutes? 40 minutes later my name is called and I practically run to the extraction chair! Meanwhile the snotty extraction lady makes a rude comment about my insurance paperwork but I try to be as nice as possible as I don't want this to be more painful then it already is. While sitting in the "Moment of Truth chair" being questioned on every ailment under the sun, I am trying to breath without looking as if I am being sent to the gas chamber. I clinch my fist trying to make the best vein possible so I can get out of there in a flash. As my 2-minute drill ends I want to run back in the staging area and tell the remaining "victims" "see I wasn't the one holding-up the line", but I look around and nobody is there. Why couldn't I have shown-up 40-minutes later when nobody was waiting, including pregnant lady #1?

Recipe for Disastrous Morning

Prep Time 1.5 Hours

8-hours of restless sleep resulting in moving to the couch out front
10-minutes of sleeping past my wake-up call
1- dog food "land mine" that explodes into pieces as I stumble back towards the bedroom
2-minutes of "discussing" (known to many as arguing) financial concerns with hubby
1-dash of bad hair
Sprinkle of wrinkle in pants
50-minute drive right into sun's path without sunglasses
2-spills of grapefruit juice from spill proof travel mug (only works if you keep the spout covered)
3-ton vehicle riding my tail when I am already driving well above the posted limit
2-cars that cut me off
8-cars that switch lane without the turn signal
NUMEROUS choice words shouted to these past 3 ingredients
1- small animal clearly on a suicide mission to bring his family some food from the other side of the road. Side note-allow animal to make it 1/2 way over the road before sending him back to his "maker" as his family starves to death
5-minutes of radio commercials waiting for a lack-luster celebrity sleaze
20-minutes of lateness
2-minutes of having to dig through my purse hoping and praying I remembered my badge to get into the building
Combine all ingredients and mix well. Once complete bake inside head for the rest of the day praying things turn around and the universe actually smiles upon you..for once!

Voila! You have a horrible morning and a death toll of at least 1.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Why Blog?

I am new to the blogging world. I read blogs, I enjoy reading but I don't enjoy writing. So why now? My life changes on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like my world crashes down on me and I don't have an outlet to really express my sarcasm or my thoughts. I figured why not! Let's try to blog and if nobody reads it, fine. I am doing this purely for myself and my gratification! You will find I won't be grammatically correct, horrible punctuation. If I were meant to be a teacher I sure wouldn't be working in this "basket" and better yet I would be on summer break. Why is it a teacher's job never seems ideal until the summertime and then it seems to be the absolutely best job in the world!