UH OH, I jinxed myself

You know that feeling you have in the pit of your stomach when a police car pulls behind you when you know you just aren't driving the speed limit? That is exactly how I feel today. Having a great week, enjoying some freedom. I also have been hitting the gym HARD this week and last night I decide to skip dinner and just eat popcorn at the movies..bleh! Bad idea. I don't necessarily think it is the popcorn but I feel yucky today. I my allergies aren't helping nor the summer heat revenge that I so desperately asked for. I would go home but of course I have a bum chewing, I mean a meeting scheduled at 3:00 today so I can't even duck out. To make matters worse my chic side has a double date tonight at some local Italian place where Mafia hang out. I so hope they would want to adopt me into their Soprano clan even if I don't eat pasta or carry any weapons! Anyway, I am sure I will be fine. I still think it is lack of sleep that is causing all these issues. Darn Olympics! Sure the bolt can run fast, but is it absolutely necessary to celebrate like a chimpanzee? I am quite certain he is the road runner just disguised as a human. I have never seen anyone run so fast in my life. I mean if someone were chasing me with a gun or if there were bargains on Burberry purses I would probably do it.
Anyway, the boy returns tomorrow night. Although I have enjoyed reliving my married without children days, I am ready to see him. I also have a fun evening Saturday planned with a few close girlfriends that will involve good conversation, laughing, drinking, and did I mention a lot of drinking. I have noticed it isn't about the food this time, but the drinks. I think with the amount of alcohol these girls are talking about having I could open a bar. I think we have all had a really rough week and a few drinks will do us good! I am sure my next post will be about being too old to drink so much and hangovers. No matter how many times I remind myself that before I drink my deviant side gets in the way? Where is that deviant devil when I am laying on the bathroom floor or hoping there are a few more aspirin left in the bottle...Have a good weekend.

Smell of notebooks and fresh pencils fill the air

I am sure parents all over the country are rejoicing "Back to school time". To me I feel it is about time those teacher friends' of mine earn their pay checks (only kidding-you have one of the toughest jobs of all-you remind me of that all the time from the pool chair in the summer). Every time I see my cousin, I remind him of his problem child Regina and all the problems she caused him. I am certain he will remember her the rest of his life. Don't feel bad for him, he has since relocated and has a lovely wife, 1 (plus another on-the-way), and of course a great extended family and relocated from NY to Hilliard schools and I am certain gang related violence is less of an issue there. However, if it weren't for Regina and old stories growing-up, we wouldn't know what we would laugh about every time we meet.
Today I get to hear all the stories about friends' kids getting on the bus, or headed to Kindergarten on their first day. I am simply in denial I guess. I know I will be a WRECK when my son starts school. I am certain if he had a choice now he would jump on the bus and drive away. Sometimes I think he would also do that permanently if someone offered him a dum-dum sucker but we will work on that..
For now, I find back-to-school to be a pain. I dread nothing more then seeing the yellow twinkie two cars in front of me stopping at every driveway during my long commute to work. One day a kid dropped his notebook and papers and I found myself thinking, just leave them, if your aren't coordinated enough to walk and hold your notebook or store your papers properly then obviously you probably didn't work real hard on that homework. I felt pretty bad after thinking that, but I was already 20-minutes late and I had a vendor call that day! I am pretty sure karma got the best of me for thinking that anyway. So welcome back kids. I want to ask you that you don't dilly-dally getting on the bus because it holds us commuters up for work. Heaven forbid I actually get out of bed on-time!

I am sans child and hubby and what am I doing to celebrate?

So my son is down with his grandparents in Greenville enjoying all the fried food and sugar he can handle. For now he is due to return on Friday evening. I placed bets with my husband they could call on Wednesday and want us to get him Thursday night (just a hunch). My husband decided to meet some old co-workers at a baseball game! BONUS! NO DINNER COOKING!! I can have my cereal and toast tonight!! So to celebrate, what have I done since I have been home from a LOVELY (sarcasm big time) day at work:
With a nice glass of wine dancing in my pink pj's? Am I playing with my guitar hero game my sister-in-laws got me for my birthday....NOPE!
1) Went to the gym and sweat out 1/4 of the calories I ate at the fair this weekend. Did look and smell very attractive when I crawled to my car.
2) Watered my flowers as I have become the angel of death in the floral department
3) Cleaned my car...note to self need to add shop vac to Christmas list-makes odd sounds and smell like it is on fire
4) Cleaned son's closet-don't think he can fit into 6-month clothing any longer, not sure why it continues to hang there? Found more clothes he may never wear due to sizing variance..need to rethink any shopping I need to do to enhance his wardrobe and maybe refocus on mine ;)
5) Gathered clothes for upcoming trip for son-no worries, he is covered on clothing for the next two-weeks (even if he wears 5-outfits a-day)
6) Finally can't stand my stench and shower
7) Watch Olympics yet again...
8) I am worse then Martha Stewart, in fact she would thunk me in the head and tell me to get out and enjoy. I am not even The Brady Mom (name slips my mind), I am Alice from the Brady's. I clean...pretty soon I will get a visit from Sam the butcher. Hey, at least it gives me something to look forward to later tonight!
I am pathetic...tomorrow, I am going out if it kills me.

Quick Survey: Is anyone else having a hard time getting up in the morning when it is dark out?

Oh summer where have you gone?

'Tis a brisk August morning with my coat on shivering my way into work. Back-up..August..I say? Yes, it is Freezing in August. Unlike many people, I like summer. I like the activities that go with summer, picnics, bike rides, amusement parks, pool visits, vacations, love it all! I like fall now that I don't have to go back to school myself but during my days as a student fall=dooms day. On top of being cold, can you believe it is already mid-August? Where did this summer go? Everyone warned me when I have a child time flies by but they are right not only has this summer flown by, over 2 1/2 years of my son's life have flown by. There are days I wish I could just take the hour glass that is my life and just turn it sideways. There are other days I just wish I could hit fast-forward and get through the day, crawl into bed and pretend it never happened. Ever-so-often I may even have a day that I will treasure living over-and-over again in my mind. Maybe it is me, but usually those days revolve around vacations or holidays. In fact all of them neither involve work or working out.
Back to my point- come back summer, I miss you. Pretty soon I will be fighting the snow and getting estimates to get my car repaired from sliding on ice. Summer I adore you! Snow and Ice-I would like to fast-forward those times.

U-S-A U-S-A! Viva Olympic Coverage

If I seem tired and distracted I apologize. I have Olympic fever! I had some really great stuff to blog about lately (despite a desperate plea from some "stranger" on my voice mail begging me not to blog about the 3 different messages she left on my phone as it continued to time out on her-that is all I will write about that promise!!). I get oddly patriotic and so disappointed for our country men such as the synchronized dive team as they fall to 5th after knocking on a door to bronze.. I get angry when I see teams such as China nailing every single twist and turn in gymnastics. I also am disappointed to see other teams such as Australia or the "Red Coats" get beat in a close match as well. The one sport I have enjoyed thus far is swimming. I love to hear the trash talking by other nations and then being swept under the rug. I love hearing how much Michael Phelps eats for breakfast every day. I am obsessed! My dream is to attend an Olympic event, I have HUGE aspirations to attend a few events some point in my life. If I (heaven forbid) were diagnosed with a fatal illness, I would want to travel to an Olympic event. I know the UK is hosting the Olympics next correct? I asked my husband if we could maybe go to those games and also visit our gracious hosts (we intend to see in a few weeks). Unfortunately with our "wild child" in tow on this trip, my husbands doubt we will ever been invited back (any thoughts on good apology gifts to bring is appreciated). So I will continue to dream....Unless shopping ever became an Olympic event, I will never have the ability to compete. I watch those nations march in the opening ceremonies thinking just how lucky they are. I picture myself on the medal stand crying when they play the national anthem (and hugging the other nations as if I didn't just beat them 15-minutes prior). In my post medal ceremony I would say to the reporters "I am so proud to be an American, I had my eye on this purse now for 3-months waiting for it to go on sale, when it did, I fended off vixen after vixen for it and it is mine. I have trained practically all my life and owe this to my bargain shopping Mom. I would like to thank my sponsor Master Card who is also very glad to share this honor and earn interest on my payments over the rest of my life"...

So go USA! As a Phelps "Phan" I hope Michael continues to sweep all those medals and the girls softball team proves they deserve an Olympic sport. I will continue to ask why I don't see American judges in sports and why CHZ always gives China perfect "10's" on every event. I will continue to cheer for the UK and Australia (unless they get close in the medal count or go against the US athletes). I will continue my sleepless nights watching ping-pong and badminton in hopes for a glimpse of beach volleyball or a medal ceremony (I have yet to see).

Luckily once these games are over, I will have OSU football to look forward to watching. Otherwise I would definitely put me on suicide watch, mind you, poke me a few times before you throw me into the ground, I could just be exhausted from 24-hour Olympic coverage.

Just as a side note my future swimming Olympian (ha ha) did 1/2-way decent in class yesterday. I think we only had to tell him 4-times to listen to the teacher and go back to the wall with the other kids. We still lap the water but he did do ice cream scoop arms (swim stroke)! Much to the dismay of my husband, (being football Saturdays and crushing his 100% tailgating hopes *for every game* hello, you have an off-spring now, not going to happen!!!) , he is repeating the class in the fall on Saturday mornings. He also is going to start taking a dance class 8/27! The boy just gives me so much material to write about already be prepared for a GREAT fall BLOG unless I get distracted by OSU football coverage!

Off to check the medal count!

Do onto others as you would want done onto you..

I have just about had it with customer service lately. I work in retail, I know at my company we literally (no seriously I have seen this done in meetings) bend over backwards to appease our customers. However it frustrates me to no-end that not every company takes this approach. For instance in June we purchased an Archos video unit that stores DVD's into a base unit and you can watch or jump onto the Internet about any place. Concept is easy, think, DVD player without the DVD's. Well, we received the unit in June and the battery power only lasted about 5-hours on the first use. Upon calling CS (crud service as I call it) they ask us to return the unit. 1-month later we receive a poorly packaged unit that was also damaged by UPS. The unit was received back on 7/24 and since such date we have been arguing with a confrontational customer service agent manager Yolanda (who I affectionately term Satan's wife) about sending us a call-tag for the unit so we can get a new replacement unit. We have spoke to UPS about the claim and I turned it over to my passive husband. I filed a complaint last week with the BBB after we were made promises the unit would ship, or the call tag will come via email, or basically telling us we were WRONG. Yesterday I saw a side of my passive husband I hope to never see again. Once again the call tag was not issued again yesterday. As I spoke with my manager on the phone last evening about that day's events, I see my husbands "hair on-fire" staring at me to get off the phone. When I did I found that he took the information from the BBB page and called the SVP directly (on his MOBILE) and asked this be taken care of PROMPTLY. Of course the SVP asked him to call some other guy (who I know will forever regret being thrown under the bus by Mr. SVP) . My husband (whom I wish he would use such determination to clean or do some laundry) called Mr. Scape Goat today and stated he would call every 1/2 hour to try to reach him. Soon after his 2-3rd call a CS agent called and told him a re manufactured unit (don't get me started brand new=re manufactured??) would be shipped to us today (I will believe it when I see it..don't get excited-3rd time I heard that), and he would check on it before he left for vacation (hm mm imagine that-leaves for vacation today). We leave for our much anticipated vacation in 3-weeks, if we don't have the unit by then I have a feeling Mr. Scapegoat and Mrs. Satan will live to regret crossing my passive husband. Keep your fingers crossed (or pray this does not end in me asking for bail money for Mr. passive).
Bottom line- we are pretty reasonable honest people here. We know we are the underdog in the situation but I feel cooperation is key. If you work in the CS field, the customer is always right (not until proven otherwise like the court-of-law). Also, be sure to check out the BBB before making large purchases, if we would have done our research we would have found out the company had an "F" rating. From what I remember from elementary school (which is not much besides when the bell rings you go to the next class, and chewing gum isn't allowed) "F" means fail and you have to repeat the class. Apparently it also means "F" ailure to respond to customer service issues and customer should be warned!

Do I have too high of expectations?

I fear I have such high expectations for things and then am crushed when it doesn't "play out" as my mind pictures it to be. This ranges from vacation plans - cooking dinner. I am not sure how to change my outlook to not be so let-down when things don't work-out all the time. As I have established I am a planner, so much of my life is planned out that I am lost when I don't have plans for the weekend on Monday or Tuesday. In addition to cutting expenses I need to to not over-analyze everything in my life.
Now that I am over my who Zen strategy and new "me". Let's discuss some of these scenarios
Same holds true with men. I have such ridiculous high expectations for the men in my life that no romance novel hero can live up to. I guess it is a wonder I found somebody to actually marry me. If I had to right some rules for men they would go as follows.
*Don't curse around kids
*Shut the toilet seat lid
*Wash your hands
*If I am back in a room relaxing and the house has two bathrooms-use the one not in the room I am relaxing in
*If I am having a bad day don't start in on me, let me be
*If I am having a bad day try a hug or a card
*Yes, I still like cards and flowers
*I lose everything, and chances are I am going to need help finding it
*Tell me how pretty I look even when we know I just don't
*Take us on surprise trips, even if it is just to get ice cream or a park, maybe pack a picnic as a surprise
*Try to get the car door for ladies
*HOLD DOORS for ANY GENDER
*Ice cream cake makes a wonderful breakfast treat, cold pizza does not
*The smell and sounds of vomit make me gag and vomit, don't expect me to come running to help out, however a little empathy when I am sick is mandatory
*If I give you a few options to eat, choose one of them..I have never been to "I don't care"
*Love and appreciate by good sense of stylish handbags
*After I drop some mad-money on my hair-tell me it looks nice
*Dead grass and dead flowers never look nice, it is OK for you to water sometimes too
*Woman require more then 5-pair of flip flops
*Shorts and tennis shoes are never very fashionable-try flip flops yourself
*I make financial sacrifices too-example-haven't had a professional pedicure in 2-months!
*I would rather you listen to Metallica then the talk radio and political stuff, it ages you and warps your mind
*Yearly vacations are mandatory or this loving wife will reside in a mental institution-hard to sweep the house from there!
*Using phrases such as "you are right, we will get through this together, and I AM SORRY" will score you brownie points. Flipping situations always to be my fault will only enrage my inner beast.
*History Channel, Fox News, and Discovery Channel do not constitute you as an expert nor make you "cool" by watching
*If underwear has holes or older-GET RID OF THEM
*Navy does not go with light color jeans

As you can see, I have some high expectations when it comes to men. My husband doesn't follow many of them, but he is wonderful just the same.

OMG- it is only 10:00 shoot me now!

Oh that is so not my son...

Yesterday my son started his first swim lessons where we were not interacting with him in the water. The poor young life guards didn't know what hit them. First they started off in a pool with the fountain and had to rodeo the kids who were distracted by the fountain. Finally they moved to the other pool to start the lessons. I believe the ratio was 4 kids to every lifeguard in the pool. The lifeguards would individually work with each child as to back floats and front floats and expect the children to wait against the wall until it was their turn (big mistake). Each kid took their turn getting out of the pool and trying to wonder back to the fountain pool. Parent after parent would wonder up the the pool, place their kid back on the wall and give them a stern lecture. My kid however, had 4 lectures in the course of 10-minutes by his Dad (I was too busy laughing by the bush). The kids had a good time retrieving dive sticks under the water. My son who does have a way of outwitting the competition would wait for them to throw the dive sticks and retrieve them before they sunk to the bottom (from bathroom inspector Survivor contestant). The best part of the 1/2-hour class is when they were working on blowing bubbles. All the kid seem to have it down pat, well maybe not the girl who clung to the ladder the entire time or the girl who sat on the ledge and cried (who happens to be my neighbor's daughter). My son would lick the water like a dog. He can not blow bubbles (lack of coordination from Mom's side). I know what you are thinking, isn't a 2 1/2 year-old a little too young for swim lessons. I don't expect him to be the next Michael Phelps (raise your hand if you are excited for the Olympics like I am), but I think everyone should be able to swim well enough to save their own lives. Eventually I hope he can tread water and swim a lap or two but for now, I will take bubble blowing over lapping the pool water (baby steps). I will let you know how swim lessons progress. Even better, we plan on enrolling him in dance classes in the fall? My husband's mother is a dance teacher, so from the dance genes he was born with, we expect GREAT things ;)

Loves The Cow

My son loves cows. How much does my son love cows? Well he tends to call me a cow (I try not to take personally). This past weekend my polite son decided to moo at the lady behind us, point at her and call her a cow. How do you react to that for future reference? I apologized and told her he love cows and calls everyone a cow and moo's. I think she was less then impressed.

Things you Ponder when you should be sleeping.

Have you ever spent time wondering about a lot of silly stuff? Before bed my mind tends to race and analyze everything under the sun before I finally fall asleep. Here are some of the things I think about I finally wrote down (and you think you are a worry wart?):

* Did I charge my phone?
*Do I have gas-and if so=where is the cheapest place to go?
* Do I know where my car keys are (chances are very low so I go through where my keys can be without getting up)?
*What am I going to make for dinner tomorrow?
*Do I really want to get out of bed to go the bathroom again?
*Did my son brush his teeth-Did I?
*Where is the nail polish and body cream?

This is when the Tylenol PM kicks in and I get loopy:

*When they changed the laundry soap to a more concentrated bottle is the concentration really changed or have we been duped?
*Why are fountain diet cokes so much better at McDonalds then any other fast food joint? I finally had an answer, McDonalds actually does have a formula and someone who analyzes it on a daily basis-but that is so cool!
*Do other people really exist in my life or is it simply unless I interact with them are they really there-totally Twilight Zone right?
*Does it take more energy to recycle a water bottle then it does to run my re-usable bottles in the dishwasher?
*Whom did I upset today and need to apologize to tomorrow?
*Did I turn my heater off at work, and if not, will they be able to trace the fire back to my heater when I burn down the building?
*You can use the exact same hair products and irons your hair dresser uses and yet your hair still never looks as it does in the salon. Same goes for pedicures, facials, make-overs , and waxing too-just kidding?

*Surely I can't always be wrong-but according to my husband I am :)

*Whatever happened to sending letters and cards in the mail, all I receive now are bills and credit card applications?! I am starting a trend-more love notes to each of you!

*When you want rain to water the flowers it never comes, but when you plan an outdoor activity it rains?

*what am I going to w...zzzzzzzz

And finally I am asleep until 2am and it starts all over again!