Monday, June 23, 2008

What's Worse Bridesmaid Dresses or Swimsuits?

Another addition to Stacy's dislikes (one day I will post a "like"). I detest trying on bridesmaid dresses. I wouldn't say I was "larger" by any means, but I am definitely vertically challenged. 5'3 to me is SHORT and something I am just now embracing.

Saturday I had the privilege of trying on dresses for my sister's wedding next May with my mother (painful for us both I am sure). This is the first dress shop I have been to that didn't put the sizes in the dresses (good move) because that is the FIRST place I look (make that second after the price). Something isn't right with trying on a size 10 dress (my normal size 4-6-including my ghetto bootie and tree trunk like thighs) and it being tight on the hips. Then, having to pay $300 (before $100 alterations) for the darn thing in a size that makes you want eat only rice cakes for the next few months until the wedding. All sample sizes are far too long on me, and need to have those fun clippies on the chest area (typically no problem for the hips or bootie-lucky me) so I am definitely not changing a career to fashion modeling.
My sister has some spectacular taste in designers and dress styles I must say. However, for the future she might want to find a little better of a fit model for any further dress engagements.

I figure since I put myself in such a wonderful body embracing mood I might as well try on some of the cute swim fashions this year...after I finish my detoxing and rice cakes!

On the topic of weddings, you know what makes me laugh, after ever wedding I have ever been in I hear the same thing from someone that day or during the process: your dress is so pretty and you will be able to wear it again (where? we don't go any place that the dress code is over khaki's and a polo for a guy-husband request). I always want to tell those people the same thing "good thing I have this dress, the presidential event next month and I am certain once I pay more to have it altered and tightened I too can find a senator to throw me a few pity dollars to shake my bootie for".

Waiting so long for him to he won't stop talking

I remember less then ago I couldn't wait to have conversations with my son. I was so happy when he would put two words together. I don't know if you want to call it frustration with a busy day, tired, or just being in a bad mood but I have never been so tired of hearing "whats that", general jabbering, or worse yet, whining. I CAN'T STAND THE WHINING (unless I do it to my husband in attempt to get my way- you think I would know that was in most cases totally unsuccessful). Anyway, yesterday after running my 100th errand of the day, we were in the car and I was so tired of the jabbering. I first thought a sucker would solve my problems and throbbing headache (good plan, sugar up the kid). I believe it worked for two minutes and then it started yet again followed by the whining and taking his shoes off (didn't realize crocs were so painful to wear). As he is ushered off to bed I thought"God forgive me for thinking such negative thoughts about my son's questions or jabbering." Then my son threw a big idiot fit, and I knew it was God's way of telling me all is fine and then flashed me the peace sign "rapper style".

Thursday, June 12, 2008

What is worse then a blood draw?

After what started in a disastrous morning, and turned into a horrible day, I now had the luxury of going to get my blood drawn. I found the only thing worse then having my blood drawn is waiting in the "victim staging" area to have it done.

I can honestly say I have never done any drugs in my life because of my needle fear or being caught by my dad (waiting for the just-say-no crew to crown me with a tiara and ribbon) smoking a joint or now for my struggling company to actually reinstate drug testing.

Back on track..I get to this horrible place walk in, and now instead of checking in at the window, you need to do it via computer after swiping your credit card (does this make anyone else uncomfortable)? I sit amongst the rest of the "victims" breaking out in nervous hives, wondering when my name will be called. I sit there and do calculations in my head..if she is clenching the bottle from that yucky orange soda stuff she still has almost 1-hour until they pull her back for that gestational diabetes test. Eliminate pregnant lady #1 and that leaves 4 remaining "victims". How long can it take? 2-3 minutes per person? Half-hour later I recalculate my standings. 2 have gone back, haven't seen either come back, did they die? Maybe another 10-minutes? 40 minutes later my name is called and I practically run to the extraction chair! Meanwhile the snotty extraction lady makes a rude comment about my insurance paperwork but I try to be as nice as possible as I don't want this to be more painful then it already is. While sitting in the "Moment of Truth chair" being questioned on every ailment under the sun, I am trying to breath without looking as if I am being sent to the gas chamber. I clinch my fist trying to make the best vein possible so I can get out of there in a flash. As my 2-minute drill ends I want to run back in the staging area and tell the remaining "victims" "see I wasn't the one holding-up the line", but I look around and nobody is there. Why couldn't I have shown-up 40-minutes later when nobody was waiting, including pregnant lady #1?

Recipe for Disastrous Morning

Prep Time 1.5 Hours

8-hours of restless sleep resulting in moving to the couch out front
10-minutes of sleeping past my wake-up call
1- dog food "land mine" that explodes into pieces as I stumble back towards the bedroom
2-minutes of "discussing" (known to many as arguing) financial concerns with hubby
1-dash of bad hair
Sprinkle of wrinkle in pants
50-minute drive right into sun's path without sunglasses
2-spills of grapefruit juice from spill proof travel mug (only works if you keep the spout covered)
3-ton vehicle riding my tail when I am already driving well above the posted limit
2-cars that cut me off
8-cars that switch lane without the turn signal
NUMEROUS choice words shouted to these past 3 ingredients
1- small animal clearly on a suicide mission to bring his family some food from the other side of the road. Side note-allow animal to make it 1/2 way over the road before sending him back to his "maker" as his family starves to death
5-minutes of radio commercials waiting for a lack-luster celebrity sleaze
20-minutes of lateness
2-minutes of having to dig through my purse hoping and praying I remembered my badge to get into the building
Combine all ingredients and mix well. Once complete bake inside head for the rest of the day praying things turn around and the universe actually smiles upon you..for once!

Voila! You have a horrible morning and a death toll of at least 1.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Why Blog?

I am new to the blogging world. I read blogs, I enjoy reading but I don't enjoy writing. So why now? My life changes on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like my world crashes down on me and I don't have an outlet to really express my sarcasm or my thoughts. I figured why not! Let's try to blog and if nobody reads it, fine. I am doing this purely for myself and my gratification! You will find I won't be grammatically correct, horrible punctuation. If I were meant to be a teacher I sure wouldn't be working in this "basket" and better yet I would be on summer break. Why is it a teacher's job never seems ideal until the summertime and then it seems to be the absolutely best job in the world!