What is worse then a blood draw?

After what started in a disastrous morning, and turned into a horrible day, I now had the luxury of going to get my blood drawn. I found the only thing worse then having my blood drawn is waiting in the "victim staging" area to have it done.

I can honestly say I have never done any drugs in my life because of my needle fear or being caught by my dad (waiting for the just-say-no crew to crown me with a tiara and ribbon) smoking a joint or now for my struggling company to actually reinstate drug testing.

Back on track..I get to this horrible place walk in, and now instead of checking in at the window, you need to do it via computer after swiping your credit card (does this make anyone else uncomfortable)? I sit amongst the rest of the "victims" breaking out in nervous hives, wondering when my name will be called. I sit there and do calculations in my head..if she is clenching the bottle from that yucky orange soda stuff she still has almost 1-hour until they pull her back for that gestational diabetes test. Eliminate pregnant lady #1 and that leaves 4 remaining "victims". How long can it take? 2-3 minutes per person? Half-hour later I recalculate my standings. 2 have gone back, haven't seen either come back, did they die? Maybe another 10-minutes? 40 minutes later my name is called and I practically run to the extraction chair! Meanwhile the snotty extraction lady makes a rude comment about my insurance paperwork but I try to be as nice as possible as I don't want this to be more painful then it already is. While sitting in the "Moment of Truth chair" being questioned on every ailment under the sun, I am trying to breath without looking as if I am being sent to the gas chamber. I clinch my fist trying to make the best vein possible so I can get out of there in a flash. As my 2-minute drill ends I want to run back in the staging area and tell the remaining "victims" "see I wasn't the one holding-up the line", but I look around and nobody is there. Why couldn't I have shown-up 40-minutes later when nobody was waiting, including pregnant lady #1?

Recipe for Disastrous Morning

Prep Time 1.5 Hours

8-hours of restless sleep resulting in moving to the couch out front
10-minutes of sleeping past my wake-up call
1- dog food "land mine" that explodes into pieces as I stumble back towards the bedroom
2-minutes of "discussing" (known to many as arguing) financial concerns with hubby
1-dash of bad hair
Sprinkle of wrinkle in pants
50-minute drive right into sun's path without sunglasses
2-spills of grapefruit juice from spill proof travel mug (only works if you keep the spout covered)
3-ton vehicle riding my tail when I am already driving well above the posted limit
2-cars that cut me off
8-cars that switch lane without the turn signal
NUMEROUS choice words shouted to these past 3 ingredients
1- small animal clearly on a suicide mission to bring his family some food from the other side of the road. Side note-allow animal to make it 1/2 way over the road before sending him back to his "maker" as his family starves to death
5-minutes of radio commercials waiting for a lack-luster celebrity sleaze
20-minutes of lateness
2-minutes of having to dig through my purse hoping and praying I remembered my badge to get into the building
Combine all ingredients and mix well. Once complete bake inside head for the rest of the day praying things turn around and the universe actually smiles upon you..for once!

Voila! You have a horrible morning and a death toll of at least 1.