No grown woman should ever do jumping jacks

I had a brutal aerobics class today. I decided not only am I too old to jump rope for 3 minutes, but I should not be forced to do low-jogs or jumping jacks any longer! I have noted a few things I learned in aerobics today I would like to remember before next Tuesday:
1. My favorite part of the class (besides leaving) is the water breaks
2. I spend more time watching the clock then I do looking at the instructor
3. If you wear any sort of sweat pants or shorts with words written on the bum, I will likely stare at your bum throughout the entire class
4. You always have your over-achievers in class the people who have to show-off-I am not one of those people-I am the one furthest from the mirrors, by the window (whispering "help me")
5. I sweat and smell like a man when before, during, and after class-no sophistication here!!
6. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm
7. I can't combo steps are anything that requires more thought then just punch, kick
8. I honestly enjoy to punch during kick boxing. Look out anyone who tries to rob me! Hopefully he has some music on him so I can punch him in-time for the music otherwise I am in serious trouble!
9. I am certain my instructor killed everyone who started the class off with a BMI over 25 by aerobicizing them to death because I don't see them any more...
10. I dislike perky people who look good, still can do high-impact aerobics and talk at the same time!

I miss my old Jazzercise teacher, she would push us but didn't hold me to high expectations! I corrupted her fitness time with shopping, food, and drinks! I think all she drank and ate went straight to MY hips! If you are out there in cyber world I love you kid!

Total Lack of Motivation-ADD Post-Keep up!

Have you ever had those days where you suffer from complete lack of motivation? I am so "mad at the world" today I don't feel like being focused or really doing much of anything today. Do you know what is worse, I am not suffering from PMS or any other female infliction! I just can't seem to "snap out of it". I think part of it is hunger pains at this point, but I am watching my calorie intake after I had a frozen coke this morning. I think the other part is dealing with irrational people making poor decisions. I guess I can't change that, but I am allowing myself to let it fester inside of me.

My posts have been rather dull lately, I haven't done anything stupid (Well besides wearing shoes that cause blisters only because they looked cute)... I think I am suffering from serious monotony in my life. I need a vacation! I need a break from the norm! I need a new outdoor table for my deck..case in point, I also suffer from serious ADD.

Right now all I can think about is going to lunch with co-workers. I have decided I have worms and they need to be fed every 2-hours. My worms are only satisfied with grease and sugar, so salads are definitely out of the question. My company has its bi-annual convention the past two weeks and it is has been a nice break from the chaos that is my work life. We decided to head to lunch to one of the slowest serving restaurants in the finer Newark area to kill time (I never get out for lunch-so this is my vacation). The boys are happy because most of the girls who work there are cute and they have sports on TV, and I will be happy because my worms will be content with chicken wings and nacho chips. Luckily the anti-Christ aerobic instructor will help burn off some of the unnecessary calories tonight when she once again attempts to kill me.

Back to my efforts on not focusing on food and trying to refocus on work tasks..first potty break and socializing!

wiiiii

Every year I typically task my husband with the impossible to find Christmas gifts. In years past it has ranged from a Furbee to an Xbox. This past year I asked my husband for a Wii and a digital picture frame. I had been talking the Wii up for quite a while figuring he would take the hint and get the Wii. Well, needless to say WE did not get the Wii. I did get a lovely digital picture frame I display at work I endearing term my "Wii frame". Well with some help from my sister-in-law my son gave me a Wii for my birthday. I was ecstatic! I wouldn't say I am a video game junkie but I can see how kids can quickly become addicted. We even have my two-year-old asking to play "bayball" on the Wii now (way to start a bad habit early-add that to my mother ballot check list).
On Saturday, our techie friends had us over to play Rock Band, Guitar Hero, and FIT. Luckily they didn't kick us out of the house after we destroyed their band with our horrible attempts at singing and playing the drums...Trust me these are the kind of friends everyone needs, they are so much fun, they have a boat, they enjoy the same restaurants, have the coolest electronics, and are two of the most friendly and fun people you will ever meet! If we want to have a few drinks and a good time, we call them (and then have to pay them handsomely to use the term "friends- I think we are way behind on those payments due to Wii investments)

Anyway, I decided prior to owning a Wii that I wanted the FIT but after seeing it "in action" I had to have it. Nintendo has not commissioned write this (but I will accept all donations including Rock Band, and Aerosmith games) but I love my Wii and my Mii. So yesterday my husband found a FIT package and snagged it (I am surprised he still did that for me as we had a "discussion" earlier that day that did not end well). Anyway, after aerobics I put my son to bed a bit earlier then usual (much needed Mii time-again Mom award-selfish-check!) and jumped on the Wii! I have to say it is much more difficult then I imagined it to be and believe it or not I am a little more sore then I was after aerobics class. So after the Wii assessed myself as a 47-year-old female (bite me Wii), I tried a few games. I decided I can't hula hoop, I can't ski jump, I can't step, and I can't yoga..well actually I am still trying to decide what I can do...but eventually I can do something! The point is I had fun! I think my husband had fun too. In all reality that is the most amount of bonding we have done since Halo came out and we played that until the wee hours of the morning. So I need to write a letter to Nintendo, thank them for saving my marriage.
So here is today's lessons:
1.Make sure you have a few friends who are very technologically equipped, good at both rock band and guitar hero, own a boat, and like to drink-key to sanity
2. Teach your 2 1/2 year-old to play video games, will provide much needed distraction time for you to do other things and not listen to Go Go (Diego) or Einsteins all the time (warning you may have to help him restart the game-we haven't got him to that level yet, but I assure you, this will happen before potty training).
3. Get a Wii, you will thank me and you too can create your Mii and you both start an eternal bond (yes I need to now create clone friends)
4. After you play Wii fit, enjoy some Cheetos (as I see it you cancel it out after the hard work out you did with your fitness instructor). Your mii will need some energy for tomorrow!

They Say It's Your Birthday.

Today's my birthday and I am another year older. There is absolutely nothing funny about that what-so-ever. But I have a few stories to tell, pull up a chair, grab your bag of chip/salsa and help me celebrate another year closer to death:

• Turn on the news today to see there is a hurricane quickly approaching Texas. Now that really is in no way funny but if had a bit of history you would understand. My husband and I met a few really great people on (almost) 9-years ago who were on their honeymoon (call us honeymoon crashers). We all became very FAST friends and try to communicate as much as possible (not as much as we should). We have had a few reunions since our vacation but the best memory I have is our trip to Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. I think my husband had the actual hours but we were not in our lovely house for more then 48. We had heard a storm was coming but thought it would die-off. We hit the grocery store and had a lovely dinner out that night and had bought plenty of liquor and food for the neighboring 4-cities. Our friends (the ones currently stranded in Texas-sans les husband) had bought all the groceries to compensate our alcohol purchases. The next morning we made breakfast and looked out the window and saw some neighboring houses boarding-up the windows(..hmm good sign we should get out of dodge?) We reluctantly figured we should call the rental property to see if we should leave. Long story short we had to leave. We tried to cook various meals as our last supper together. The boys were all excited because they were able to throw every piece of furniture including the grill into the pool. I think Sally Struthers would have cried to see all the food we had to throw away during our evacuation process. Doing the logical thing our friends packed-up their son and their rental and headed back to the airport, all of us in tears. The other two couples crammed into this hotel room down in South Carolina and tried to make the best of a vacation going from a 4-star home to a 2-star (at best) hotel (hey it did have a lazy river which was very nice..and you were never in your room..and I got to stop at the Piggly Wiggly-SOLD). Anytime you get the group of us together some disaster seems to happen (typically revolving in over-indulging in the "sauce"-aka alcohol). Funny thing is, typically it is the men? We then took that vacation juju and spent my honeymoon stuck in Hawaii due to the terrible 9-11 incident. I know what you are saying-cry me a river..Unfortunately it isn't very much fun when your hotel is charging full price and you don't have much money left to your name (considered calling Red Cross at one point-Capital One appreciates us not doing so). So the key is NOT to vacation when any of us vacation or tag along with us. The other little tip is travel insurance-buy it-love it! I have used it twice now! So to my friend down on vacation..hold on to the light pole when the wind blows you over! In addition for any future vacations: NONE OF US CAN CHOSE THE DATE, we consult a psychic or meteorologist. If you haven't heard enough about these couples, don't worry I am sure there are plenty more stories to tell in later blogs

• I have some really great friends at work. I came in this morning and found my office decorated nice (change from the days where people took my keys off my keyboard and re-arranged the letters or dumped the hole punches all over my desk). They had donuts to celebrate and a few of my closer friends bought me some candy and gifts. You know these people know me well when much to my surprise they had catered in Chipotle chips and salsa for me at lunch. So the key to some one's heart is food. For me it is chips salsa!! Oh yes-diet starts again tomorrow!

• I am totally not WITH it today! I think it is the sugar high mixed with those yummy chips. I continue to send out emails without attachments. I am absolutely aloof! One of my vendors asked me if I had a few too many today already (I wish). I can't seem to get my act together!

So enjoy your day, celebrate quietly with a nice drink, your chips your salsa. Relish in the fact, although I am a ditz in any form of communication, I did remember all undergarments today!

Add this to the How to Dress a Moron Check List

I can't tell you how many times I have left the house with two different color socks. I consistently wear my shirt inside out. Those size stickers on the outside of shirts, worn to numberous events and business meetings. Holes in pants, spots on clothes, deodorant whites on shirts-check, check, check! Have you ever worn a pair of pants come to find as you are walking down the hall at work that some how you had some stow away panties that have made it's way down your pant leg and on the floor for everyone to see (CHECK)? I have also left the house with two different color shoes (at least of the same style)

Today takes the cake on fashion faux pas and pure stupidity! I was running late (as usual) and when I made my way towards work on the horrific commute, I noticed that I didn't have the same support I typically have in my torso region. Now typically I wouldn't notice because I must have bypassed the well-endowed chest line for the large bum and tree trunk thighs line when God put together the blue prints for my body composure. As I looked down to find my water bottle, I noticed I wasn't wearing a bra under my white shirt (and today was not the wet t-shirt contest at work- my mistake). As I tried not to swerve off the road from shock, (I luckily caught this close to home) I was able to turn around and remedy the situation. If I had been much further I would just have to tell people I am protesting gas prices and burnt it on the way here.

I am no longer a "spring chick" but why can't I let it go of MTV reality shows?

Hints why I am old: Driving to work this morning I heard the Prince song 1999. Not only did I graduate college prior to this pivotal year, but I remember thinking when the song first came out how 1999 felt like a million years away. In a way Prince was right 2000 party was over, time for this party girl to live in the real world. Speaking of the REAL WORLD, I give my husband a really hard time about watching the History channel and Discovery channel. I however find it perfectly socially acceptable to continue watching the Hills, Real World, and worse yet Sweet Sixteen. I would say about 10-plus years ago I should have converted to watching VH1 but I can't find myself making that transition, unless Rock of Love is on.. For now, I will continue watching the Hills and Real World until the ratings company reports me to MTV and they call and ask me to discontinue watching these shows or they will contact NBC's in regards to their catch a predator segment.
Worse yet, I don't draw the line at MTV, I also continue to shop at American Eagle, and my personal favorite Lucky Brand (I would shop at that Hollister place but I can't make it through that cologne cloud that lingers at the door-what is that?). So I ask myself, when do I intend to grow-up? Maybe when MTV stops putting less-then reality shows such as the Hills that are so addictive!
Will I be the only lady in the nursing home who will have to take a nap at 6:00 so I can watch the Hills or MTV spring break at the ten spot in the common room? I do think I will look very cute in my PINK PJ bottoms, look out all nursing home hotties!! Party in the common room at 10:00, you bring the Geritol, I will provide the cosmos or scooby doo shots!

You're right, I am the idiot..

I am so quick to alert someone they are an idiot when driving. Well the "unthinkable" happened today, I was the idiot driver! My mind went adrift (as it does during my long morning commute) and I changed lanes without even signaling (or looking) and I accidentally cut-off someone (not near accident status) in the left lane. He kindly let me know I was "number one in his heart". I had no idea how to react so as I signaled and returned to the right lane he passed me and gave me more choice words. I kindly mouthed "You're right and I am an idiot, also giving him an apology and a wave". Well I could tell the guy didn't know how to react and he sped by me and it was over..I definitely felt like an idiot and wanted to crawl under my dashboard and hide (apparently not legal unless you own a Knight Rider type car and my Cabrio does not qualify as cool enough to trick-out like that). So the term "typical woman driver" applies to me today! I guess that allows me a pass to put on my make-up tonight while driving home or talk on my cell phone since I am already marked as an idiot!!